Will You Just Listen to Me for a Second?
by My-Name-Is-Tori
Summary: A terrible accident leaves Kendall in the hospital on life support. Full summary inside.
1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note: Hola, peeps! This is my first fanfiction ever! I want to thank Sarah Torrez for encouraging me. Anyway, here's the full summary I promised:**

**A terrible car accident leaves Kendall in the hospital on life support. According to a man named Peter, if his family and friends don't take him off life support, he's never going to get to go back to his body and wake up. But his family and friends refused. Will they ever take him off life support?**

**Anyway, lame summary. Thanks for reading!**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Big Time Rush. I do own a copy of their album, though! That's gotta count for something, right?**

The rain pounded harder than before. Kendall nervously tried to see the white line, but he couldn't. The rain was just too hard. He was already two hours later than the others, and he didn't want his family or friends to worry any more than they already were.

His phone started to ring, but he ignored it. He couldn't afford to be distracted. Why had he decided that they should go home now? Why had he insisted on going along? Logan, Carlos, and James were all in another car, probably already at the Palm Woods. Katie and his mom had left earlier in the day, so they were probably home, too.

Kendall didn't see the semi truck heading for him. The truck didn't know its headlights weren't working. The driver didn't see the little blue car until it was too late.

There was a loud crashing noise and the world went dark to Kendall. The car spun out of control and stopped just before going off the edge of a cliff. The truck driver pulled over immediately and jumped out to check on the driver. His heart nearly stopped when he realized it was just a kid, and a pretty beat up one.

The kid was unconscious. He'd hit his head on the steering wheel pretty hard, it looked like, and his seat belt was broken, barely holding him in place. The driver was afraid to move the kid.

Luckily, three cars stopped when they saw what had happened, and one of them happened to be a doctor. The kid was checked over best the doctor could do while waiting for the paramedics to get there.

"Kid's barely breathing," the doctor told the small crowd around them. "His heartbeat's not very strong. He might die."

The driver started crying. He didn't know what else to do. He'd hit a car and probably killed a kid. The boy looked familiar. He looked about eighteen, with blond hair.

"Oh, my God," someone said in the crowd. "It's Kendall Knight! From Big Time Rush! He's dead!"

"He's not dead!" the doctor said, checking again.

The driver started crying harder. That was why the kid looked familiar. Big Time Rush. His daughter's favorite band. Kendall was her favorite. This just kept getting worse.

An ambulance showed up not two minutes later. The medics immediately jumped out and ran to the kid. The truck driver, who's name was Steve, asked if he could ride with him. They agreed after seeing the man's horribly guilty state.

Steve was surprised in the ambulance. It really was Kendall Knight, and his heartbeat was getting stronger. It was still too weak, but it was obvious this kid was a fighter. Steve started to hope a bit.

When they got to the hospital, Steve volunteered to tell Kendall's family. He was trying to make up for what he'd done. He wasn't going to hide the fact that he'd hit Kendall's car. He was going to tell the truth and hope they didn't hate him.

/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\

"Where is he?" Mrs. Knight paced in the living room of 2J.

"He's probably pulled over," Logan said. "You can't see anything if you look out the window. I don't know how the power's still on."

"Don't say that," James said. "The power's going to go out now, and then I will kill you."

Carlos didn't say anything. He looked worried. Logan raised an eyebrow. For some reason, Carlos always seemed to know when another one of them was in trouble. Logan didn't want to ask, but he did anyway.

"Something wrong, Carlos?" he said hesitantly. The Latino didn't lift his head at first. Then he looked up.

"I just have this feeling," he said. "Like the one I got right before you broke your arm. I keep feeling something's wrong. Really wrong. Not just Kendall not being here. Like something bad is about to happen."

The power went out just as he said that.

"Logan!" James glared through the darkness at the boy.

"James!" Logan yelled back.

"Katie!" Kendall's little sister yelled her own name, effectively confusing the boys and shutting them up.

Suddenly, there was the sound of footsteps. Someone was pacing.

"Mrs. Knight, why are you still pacing?" Logan asked, not really able to see.

"I'm not," the mother said from the chair.

"Carlos?" Logan said next. There was a crash and a very loud groan.

"What?" Carlos said, his voice coming from across the room. He sounded like he was in pain.

"What happened?" James asked.

"I crashed into the table and probably broke something," Carlos replied. "Not a bone. Just something that was on the table."

A phone started ringing. Everyone looked around, confused. Mrs. Knight pulled out her phone.

"Kendall, thank goodness," she said, then answered it. "Hello?"

If the others had been able to see her face, they would have seen it gone from confused to anger, to understanding, to horror, and finally worried.

"I understand," she said quietly. The others were very confused.

"Is he alright?"

"What?" Carlos sat up immediately. "Is who alright?"

"What's going on?" Logan asked, kind of scared.

"Be quiet," Mrs. Knight told them. "Yes, I understand. We're not going to be able to see either if we leave right now. What's his condition?"

"What?" James' voice was squeaky. He glanced in the general direction of Logan and Carlos, wondering what they were thinking.

"Call me as soon as you hear something, okay?" Mrs. Knight said. "Thanks. Bye."

She hung up and took a deep, shuddering breath, sounding way less calm than she'd been on the phone.

"What's going on, Mrs. Knight?" Logan pressed.

"There was a car accident," Kendall's mom answered. "Kendall's car got hit by a semi."

James was surprised she could sound so calm about that. Then what she said hit him hard. James barely managed to keep a panic attack from starting. Carlos couldn't keep his from starting. He started gasping for air, causing Logan to worry about him, too. He crawled over to the Latino and grabbed his hand. Carlos immediately started to calm down, but not much.

"Is he okay?" James asked, partly about Carlos and mostly about Kendall.

"That was the truck driver that called," Mrs. Knight's voice was shaking. "He apologized for hitting Kendall's car. He said he didn't know his headlights were out, and he couldn't see anything. He didn't see the car until it was too late. He doesn't know how Kendall's doing yet. He was worried we would blame him. He says his daughter loves Kendall the most out of you four, and he's afraid she'll get mad. And he's mostly afraid that Kendall will die. So, he's basically like us right now. And we can't get to Kendall, because we won't be able to see, either."

Mrs. Knight was rambling now, and it was scaring her daughter. Katie had been silent, but she was crying. She didn't want anyone to know that.

At the hospital, Kendall was being treated and suffering from a horrible nightmare…


	2. Chapter 2

**Author's Note: Yay! People read it and reviewed! Yay! I'm happy now. Uh, before you read this, you should probably know that I really know nothing about doctors or injuries or really anything about the human body, so...yeah. So, forgive me for any mistakes, feel free to correct me (I won't be offended, I promise) and review! Yay!**

**Disclaimer: Don't own Big Time Rush. I wish I did...That would be epic...**

_The semi was coming closer and closer. He tried to turn the steering wheel to find there wasn't one. What was he supposed to do?_

_The collision was going to happen. He saw it coming. The truck driver had an evil look on his face._

_Suddenly, his car slammed into the semi truck and all he could feel was pain._

In real life, Kendall was having an operation done to fix some problems with him. The doctors thought it was procedural, nothing new, nothing to worry about.

They were wrong. Kendall had a punctured lung that they didn't know about yet. A lot of broken ribs. They knew about those, though. And Kendall's arm.

Kendall also had internal bleeding. It had just started. They didn't know about that, either. It had been borderline, and they hadn't seen it.

In short, Kendall was a big mess.

So when he started hyperventilating and his heart rate went up, the doctors were surprised. One wouldn't know how they did it, but they managed to calm him down, They finished the surgery and then went to check Kendall out. Once they were done treating him, Kendall decided to stop breathing. His heart stopped.

The doctors got his heart beating-barely-and got him on life support. They felt bad for the eighteen-year-old, but there was nothing more they could do.

Finally, the boy's mother arrived, along with his sister and three other boys. Mrs. Knight looked like she was trying hard to stay calm. Logan looked around with interest, wondering where Kendall was and what had happened. Carlos stared at the floor, hoping Kendall was okay. James stared at the wall, not really seeing it. And Katie was trying not to cry. She didn't want to cry. She didn't want the others to think she was weak. But this was Kendall. She knew the boys wouldn't think that, and neither would her mom. But she also didn't want her mom to start crying, because she knew then that everyone would lose it.

A man stood up when they walked in. Steve, his shirt said. Mrs. Knight realized that this was the man that had hit her son's car. She wasn't angry. In fact, when she saw the man's face, broken and upset, she wanted to hug him. She didn't blame him for the accident. She didn't blame Kendall, either. She blamed the rain for it.

"I'm sorry, ma'am," Steve said. He didn't meet her eyes. "I wish I would have seen him in time."

Katie looked up at her mother, wondering what could be going on in her head. She found the nearest hand, which ended up being Carlos', and squeezed it. The Latino looked down at her, but she wasn't looking at him. She was looking at the man. Carlos squeezed her hand back.

Mrs. Knight took Steve away from Katie and the boys, telling them to sit down. Steve thought she was going to be angry, but her face was filled with nothing but compassion.

"Now, Steve, don't blame yourself for what happened," Mrs. Knight said. "It's not your fault, and it's not Kendall's fault. It was an accident. And Kendall's a fighter. He'll get through this."

She sounded so confident that Steve believed her. For a few seconds, at least, until the doctor came out and said, "Kendall Knight?"

Instantly, Katie, the boys, Mrs. Knight, and Steve were all next to the doctor. He blinked at the in surprise, then shook his head. He cleared his throat uncomfortably, and Logan's eyes went wide.

"Kendall's not really doing so well," the doctor said slowly. Mrs. Knight nodded, but didn't let anything else show. "He has a broken arm that we operated on, four broken ribs-."

Carlos winced involuntarily. Being the reckless one of the group, he broke ribs often and they were still painful every time.

"-A severe concussion," the doctor hesitated. "He also had internal bleeding and a punctured lung."

Logan gasped. Everyone looked at him.

"And I'm sorry to tell you this, but Kendall's on life support," the doctor said. "He stopped breathing while we were moving him to a recovery room. He's now in the ICU."

Carlos stomped on Logan's foot before he could say anything negative.

"Ow!" Logan went to glare at Carlos, but the look that the Latino gave him stopped him cold.

Carlos looked sick. He looked sick and worried and sad and hopeless all at the same time. Carlos knew what life support meant. His uncle had gone on it and had died when they took him off. The same thing had happened to his grandma and cousin. Carlos knew there was a chance Kendall could live. But it hadn't happened to any of Carlos' relatives.

Logan wanted to hug Carlos and tell him everything was going to be fine, but he didn't. Logan didn't know that, and he couldn't pretend that he did. In fact, Logan didn't even think Kendall was going to make it. He had a punctured lung and internal bleeding.

The group sat down, waiting for news. The doctor told them that three of them at a time could see Kendall. Mrs. Knight and Katie went first, alone. Steve still felt guilty and didn't feel ready to see Kendall and the boys decided to go together. So Mrs. Knight and Katie went into the ICU room.

To put it simply, Kendall looked like crap. Katie grabbed her brother's hand, which was way too cold for a human, and squeezed it. Nothing happened. Katie couldn't hold back the tears anymore and started to cry.

Mrs. Knight looked at her son. He looked horrible, but not as bad as she had imagined. Her mind had gone straight to the worst possible situation.

She smiled as she thought of what Kendall would have said if she'd told him that. There had been a time a few years ago when the boys were thirteen. Carlos had fallen out of a tree and landed himself in the hospital with a broken arm and a concussion. Logan had been out of town and panicked when he heard Carlos was in the hospital. When Logan came to see Carlos, three days after Carlos had been put in the hospital, Logan had breathed a sigh of relief and said, "I thought you would look worse for some reason."

Mrs. Knight had been right outside the hospital room when she heard her son reply, "I think we do that so we can be relieved when we see how they really look."

It was true. But that was Kendall. He always said things like that. Mrs. Knight wished he would just open his eyes and say something. He was too still.

Finally, Mrs. Knight and Katie let Logan, Carlos, and James have their turn. Carlos started hyperventilating the second he saw Kendall on life support. It was déjà vu for him. Logan stared, mentally cursing himself for being so curious about the machine that was keeping Kendall alive. James' knees gave out when he saw Kendall and he fell to the ground, scaring Logan and Carlos. They bent down next to James, who pushed himself up into a sitting position.

"He looks dead," James got out with much difficulty. Carlos nodded.

"That's how it always is," Carlos' voice was dead and it scared Logan and James. "The doctors tell you that he's alive technically, that there's a chance he could live. Then he won't. That's how it always is."

The Latino stood up and ran out the door, nearly knocking Katie over in the waiting room. He ran straight out of the hospital, straight across a busy intersection without looking, straight over a bride, and straight through an overflowing creek before stopping and collapsing. He sat on the ground, leaning against a tree, staring at the sky.

Why Kendall? Why did Kendall have to end up like his uncle, his grandma, and his cousin? Why did he have to be on life support? Kendall was only eighteen. Kendall had a life to live. He couldn't die.

Carlos started sobbing and couldn't stop it. He sat there for a few hours, crying. Carlos didn't know what to do. His best friend was going to die. Carlos knew that Kendall was a fighter. He would have died a while ago if he wasn't.

Carlos shuddered at the sudden memory and shook it away. He took a deep breath, calming down slightly.

_The others are probably worried about me_, he thought, but he made no move to get up.

He eventually fell asleep, sitting against the tree.


	3. Chapter 3

**Author's Note: Mwuahahahahahahahaha! *clears throat* Now that we got that out of the way, I would like to thank all of you who have read and reviewed and all those who haven't reviewed, but have read. I heart you. Anyway, again, sorry about the medical issues I gave Kendall...not very accurate. But hey, you got the point. He's on life support. That's what's important. Sort of. Sorry if this confuses you. My rant and the story. If it confuses you, go ahead and ask a question. I'll try to answer it. Uh...disclaimer time?**

**Disclaimer: No, I don't own Big Time Rush. I do, however, own Steve, and the man in this story. Although this chapter was inspired by part of Miss Fenway's 'Little Hollow.' I loved that story...**

Kendall opened his eyes to find himself in a white room. The walls were all white. He was lying on the floor in the middle of the room. A man leaned over him.

"Hi," he said.

"Hi," Kendall said uncertainly, wondering what was going on. He sat up and looked around. The man continued to stare at him.

"What's going on?" Kendall asked.

"Well, to put it in simple terms," the man said. "You died."

"I'm dead?" Kendall was shocked. "But, how did…what?"

"If you want me to get technical, you died, but you're not dead," the man said.

"What?" Kendall repeated, completely confused. The man sighed.

"You were in a car accident," the man explained. "You were brought to the hospital. Just after they finished treating you, your heart stopped. They brought you back-sort of-and put you on life support. Because of that, you're trapped here."

Kendall shook his head.

"So, I'm dead, but not dead at the same time?" Kendall asked hesitantly. The man nodded.

"Unfortunately for you, you got stuck in the situation that if your family does not take you off of life support, you'll be stuck here for forever," the man said.

"How did that happen?" Kendall asked.

"No idea," the man said. He reminded Kendall of Willy Wonka from the original movie. Vague and confusing.

"My name is Peter, by the way," the man said. "Your name is Kendall, I know. I know everything about you."

"So, am I stuck in here until my family decides to take me off of life support?" Kendall asked, annoyed with Peter.

"Yes, but no," Peter said. "It depends on what your friends do. See?" Peter pointed at the wall and a screen appeared on it. It showed his friends in the waiting room at the hospital.

"Whoa," Kendall said, looking closely at the screen. His friends looked like messes. His sister was worse. His mom looked calm. Sort of.

"This is what you look like right now," Peter said and another picture appeared on the screen. Kendall gasped when he saw himself. He looked like he was dead. Which he apparently was. Sort of.

"So, it depends on what my friends do?" Kendall asked. "What does that mean?"

"If your friends do something stupid, or threaten to kill themselves or hurt themselves or something, I have no choice but to let you talk to them," Peter said. "But not in a physical sense. You'll be in their dreams."

"So if that doesn't happen, I'm stuck in here?" Kendall sighed.

Peter shrugged.

"I have to go," Peter said. "You can watch what's going on with your friends and family. If you want to see someone, just say their name and the screen will show what's going on."

Peter disappeared and a couch appeared at the same time. Kendall groaned and sat down on the couch. It was comfortable and Kendall relaxed on it. He realized he was still looking at himself on the screen.

"Uh," Kendall glanced around the room, feeling stupid. "Logan?"

Logan appeared on the screen, James and Carlos right next to him. His mom was talking to man in the background. Kendall didn't recognize him.

A doctor came in the room and said, "Kendall Knight?"

The man followed Kendall's mom to the doctor and Kendall saw his shirt said Steve. That didn't help much.

Kendall listened to his injuries, half fascinated by the way this was working, half annoyed because he wanted to talk to his friends.

His mom and Katie walked out. Logan sat down, and the screen continued to show him. Kendall realized it wasn't going to show what his mom was doing.

"Kendra Knight," Kendall said his mom's name. The screen showed his mom and Katie standing next to him. Katie was crying. That hit Kendall hard. Katie didn't like to cry.

His mom just looked at him sadly. Kendall wanted to hug her and tell her everything was going to be okay, but he couldn't.

Finally, his mom and Katie left the hospital room.

"Boys," Mrs. Knight said. "Your turn."

"Carlos," Kendall said quickly and the screen followed the Latino into the hospital room. Kendall winced when he heard Carlos start to hyperventilate. His friends were taking this worse than his mom. Weird.

Suddenly, Kendall remembered all Carlos' relatives. He realized that Carlos thought Kendall was just going to die.

_Maybe I am_, Kendall thought bitterly as James collapsed on the screen. Kendall stood up quickly. There was nothing he could do, but that didn't mean he wasn't worried.

James sat up. Logan and Carlos bent down next to him.

"He looks dead," James said and Kendall sat back down hard. He didn't like the way James sounded.

"That's how it always is," Carlos said, and Kendall felt even worse. Carlos' voice was completely empty. No emotion. "The doctors tell you that he's alive technically, that there's a chance he could live. Then he won't. That's how it always is."

Carlos stood up and ran out of the room. The screen followed him. Kendall's eyes stayed on the screen as his friend ran away from the hospital. Kendall watched Carlos nearly get ran over twice. That's when he knew things were bad.

"Peter?" Kendall said loudly. The man appeared.

"How is that not stupid?" Kendall pointed at Carlos running through the intersection.

"He's not trying to kill himself," Peter said. "He doesn't know what he's doing. Stop for a second and concentrate on him. You'll hear what he's feeling."

Kendall wasn't sure he wanted to, but he concentrated on Carlos. Peter was right. Carlos was just trying to get away from the hospital. He didn't want to die, he just didn't want to accept reality.

Kendall winced at how sure Carlos was that he was going to die. He felt the pain and confusion Carlos was feeling, and wished that he could help his friend.

"If he does anything that seems dangerous on purpose, then you should worry," Peter said and disappeared.

Carlos ran across a bridge and through a creek. Kendall was sure that the creek was going to knock him over, but Carlos managed to stay on his feet and collapsed on the other side. His pants were wet up to his waist, but Carlos didn't seem to care. He stared at the sky.

The heart-wrenching sobs that Carlos suddenly let out scared Kendall and made it hurt even worse. He knew that Carlos was thinking that he didn't deserve this, which made Kendall love him even more and want to hug him even more. The room was starting to drive him insane. He couldn't tell his family he was okay. He was stuck.

His life literally lay in the hands of his family and friends. And it was not looking good for Kendall.


	4. Chapter 4

**Author's Note: Yup. Yay. I'm tired. I'm attempting to be enthusiastic about some things while I'm sick. Is it working?**

**Disclaimer: *yawn* Nope, I don't own Big Time Rush. Yay.**

Kendall sighed. It had been two weeks, and while he was glad his friends weren't being stupid, he really wanted to get out of the room.

The thing that killed him (hypothetically, of course) was the fact that his friends weren't handling this well at all, even if they weren't being stupid. They weren't arguing. They were simply ignoring each other. And because of that, they were falling apart more and more.

Steve, he learned, was the man that had hit his car and nearly killed him. Kendall saw how broken up the man was. He felt how genuine that was. And he decided that as soon as he woke up, he was going to forgive Steve immediately. It wasn't his fault. Peter had shown Kendall the accident.

Oh, what fun that had been.

/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/

Peter had randomly appeared in the room.

"I'm being told I have to show you what happened to you," he told Kendall.

"You mean the car accident?" Kendall asked nervously.

"And the treatment afterward, until the spot where your mother, sister, and friends showed up," Peter sighed.

On the screen appeared Kendall, sitting in his car. Kendall was surprised at how nervous he seemed. Kendall couldn't really remember it that well.

The rain was pounding and Kendall saw that Steve had no way of knowing Kendall was there. Kendall's car came along and Kendall realized he was probably going too fast for not being able to see.

Then, the impact came. That was hard to watch. Kendall's car slammed into the truck. Kendall could see himself inside the car being thrown around. The car went spinning and stopped just before it would have gone over the cliff.

Steve climbed out of his truck immediately and ran over to the car. Kendall saw the concern and the guilt, and how Steve was beating himself up.

"It's just a kid," he mumbled. Kendall felt how Steve felt even worse at that.

A few cars pulled up. One of them said he was a doctor and hurried to help Kendall. Kendall winced at how beat up he looked.

The doctor made sure he was breathing. Someone called 911.

"Kid's barely breathing," the doctor told the small crowd around them. "His heartbeat's not very strong. He might die."

Kendall winced again when Steve started crying.

"Oh, my God," someone yelled out. "It's Kendall Knight! From Big Time Rush! He's dead!"

Kendall saw that a woman yelled this out. She was a mother, with two teenage daughters in the van that had been pulled over. The daughters were trying to figure out what was going on. Kendall guessed they liked Big Time Rush.

"He's not dead!" the doctor yelled. Kendall watched him check to make sure.

Steve started crying harder. Kendall heard the thoughts running through his mind. His daughter loved Big Time Rush. Kendall was her favorite. Kendall couldn't stop the little bit of pride at that, but then mentally slapped himself.

They let Steve ride in the ambulance with Kendall, where he found out that his heart beat had been stronger in the ambulance.

"What happened?" Kendall asked. Peter shushed him.

The scene changed. Suddenly it was 2J, and his friends were sitting on the couch. His mom was pacing and Katie was sitting on the chair.

Kendall smiled as he listened to their banter and jokes. The power went out and Kendall heard the joking tone James had. He really missed talking to them.

Then, his mom's phone rang and Kendall held his breath. It was his ringtone, so it couldn't be good.

His mom answered it. His friends could not see her face, but Kendall could. It made him feel worse.

The scene changed halfway, on side of the screen showing Steve, and one showing Mrs. Knight. Steve had called his mom using his cell phone. The conversation wasn't very interesting to one who already knew what was going on.

His mom hung up and Kendall listened to his friends' reactions. He could see that Katie was crying. Carlos was having a panic attack. Logan, of course, tried to comfort Carlos. James was worried about everyone.

The scene changed and it showed Kendall in the hospital being treated. Kendall heard the thoughts going on in his own mind and shivered at his version of the events. He knew they weren't accurate, but they scared the crap out of him.

Kendall watched himself start to hyperventilate. He watched the doctors save him and hook him up to life support. Finally, he watched his mom show up and she started to talk to Steve.

The screen went back to normal time. Kendall had been watching James draw on a piece of paper. His friend was a surprisingly good artist.

"Whoa," Kendall said.

"I know," Peter said. "To some people, you're lucky. And to others, this sucks. It just depends on the way they died. Unfortunately, you're the fourth car accident victim this week."

Kendall shook his head, annoyed, and Peter left.

/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/

Kendall sighed. He didn't like remembering that. The accident had been horrible, and if he slept, he was sure he'd have nightmares about it.

On the screen, Carlos, Logan, James, and Katie were in Kendall's hospital room. All four of them were staring at something blankly.

Mrs. Knight walked in the room.

"The doctor wants to know if we're going to take him of life support," she told the group.

"Yes! Do it!" Kendall yelled, although they couldn't hear him. He sighed, knowing none of them wanted to.

"Maybe we should," Katie said slowly. Kendall jumped up on his feet, hoping the others would listen.

Carlos stood up abruptly and left the room. Kendall stayed with the group, wanting them to take him off life support. He would fight if they did. He would live. He was sure of it.

"Why?" James asked Katie.

"How do we know if he's really alive if he's on life support?" Katie asked. "And Kendall wouldn't want to live like this."

Katie was right. Being of life support was annoying Kendall. He wanted to get out of this white box and start helping everyone-including himself-recover.

"Honey, I don't think that's a good idea," Mrs. Knight said and Kendall kicked the white couch. "What if Kendall dies?"

Kendall kicked the couch again.

"He's not going to," Katie said stubbornly. "Mom, I know he's not."

In the end, nothing was decided and Kendall stayed on life support, much to his annoyance.

When the group got back to 2J, Logan realized something.

"Where did Carlos go?" he wondered and everyone jumped and looked around. It was like the first night all over again. Carlos had disappeared and then reappeared. For them, anyway.

"Carlos," Kendall told the screen and it jumped quickly to a closet, where Carlos was frantically beating on the door.

"Hello?" the Latino yelled. "The door's locked! Let me out!"

Kendall gasped. Carlos was in a closet at Rocque Records. The door had gotten locked. Carlos was claustrophobic. Kendall groaned.

"Peter!" he yelled. The man appeared next to him.

"Can I please help him?" Kendall pointed at the screen. Peter considered this for a while.

"I think this should count as a situation where you can help," he nodded. "You'll have to wait for someone to fall asleep, though. You'll go into their dreams and lead them to your friend."

"Then what?" Kendall asked.

"Well, your family is sort of considering taking you off life support," Peter said. "So technically, it wouldn't be against the rules for you to stay there. You'll be a ghost that no one can see. During the night, you can go into dreams. Once you're taken off life support, you'll go back into your body and we'll see what will happen."

Kendall nodded. "Let's do this."


	5. Chapter 5

**Author's Note: Yeah, so I've been sick all day and bored, so I wrote chapter five. Yay...By the way, thank you for the reviews. I'm having fun with this story (in a sick, twisted way...), and I'm glad that you guys like it.**

**Disclaimer: Stop mocking me! I don't own Big Time Rush, okay?**

Kendall had predicted that Logan would be the first to fall asleep. He was right. They were all worried about Carlos, but that didn't stop them from falling asleep. They tried, but they couldn't fight the exhaustion.

Peter nodded to Kendall. He'd taught Kendall how to go in and out of dreams and now Kendall was going to go into Logan's.

Kendall closed his eyes and concentrated on Logan. He felt a little tug, like someone was pulling him somewhere and opened his eyes.

"Yes!" he shouted, pumping his fist. He'd done it. He was in the living room, which was empty. It was obviously nighttime. Logan was standing next to the couch, staring at him like he was an idiot.

"Hi, Logan," Kendall said. His dark-haired friend stared at him.

"Not another nightmare," Logan said softly.

"It's not a nightmare," Kendall told Logan. "In some weird, twisted, magical way, I'm really here."

Logan's eyes widened. Kendall told him everything that had happened over the past few weeks. Logan went to hug Kendall, but went right through him.

"Crap," Kendall said. He looked at the ceiling. "Really, Peter? Really? Is it so hard to let me have something?"

Logan tried not to smile, but he couldn't help it. He had a feeling that Kendall was telling the truth, that it really was Kendall talking to him, not just his imagination.

"Look, Logan, I know this sounds crazy, but I can prove it for real that I'm really here," Kendall said. "Carlos. He's trapped in a closet Rocque Records."

Logan inhaled sharply. If that was true, then Carlos was probably having a panic attack or something.

"Is he okay?" Logan asked. Kendall hesitated.

"He's asleep, I think," Kendall answered. "Just go get him. Please."

Logan nodded. Kendall disappeared and Logan woke up.

Logan looked around his room, wondering if that had been real. He didn't understand how Kendall could have been talking to him. But how would Logan know where Carlos was?

Carlos. Logan sat up and hurried to put socks and shoes on. He grabbed his car keys and drove to Rocque Records. He didn't know it, but Kendall was right next to him the whole time.

The front doors were unlocked. Logan was confused, but he didn't question it. He didn't know Kendall had done that somehow. Even the blond boy couldn't figure out what he'd done.

Logan ran through Rocque Records, opening every closet. On the sixth one he tried, he found Carlos, curled up on the floor, asleep.

"Carlos!" Logan breathed a sigh of relief. Carlos was okay, and it really had been Kendall that had appeared to him in the dream.

"Logan?" Carlos mumbled, still mostly asleep. Then his eyes flew open.

"Logan!" Carlos jumped up and hugged his friend. Kendall smiled.

"How did you find me?" Carlos asked Logan. Logan hesitated.

"Tell him," Kendall urged, even though Logan couldn't hear him.

Logan shrugged.

"This is going to sound crazy, but Kendall told me," he said. Carlos' eyes widened.

"Kendall? Is he awake?" Carlos went to stand up. Logan shook his head.

"It's hard to explain," Logan told Carlos. He heard Kendall's familiar voice in his head.

"_I'll explain it to him later."_

Logan jumped and looked around for the source of the familiar voice, but got nothing. Kendall was surprised that Logan could hear him.

Logan and Carlos went home. James was awake, sitting on the couch. He jumped up when he saw them walk in. Kendall sighed. James looked so worried. He wished he could to something to stop him from worrying. Kendall would be fine. He would make sure of it.

James hugged Carlos.

"Where were you?" he asked, looking at Carlos.

"In a closet at Rocque Records," Carlos answered. "I got trapped."

"How did you get there?" James was surprised. Carlos shrugged.

"How did you find him, then?" James asked Logan. Carlos looked at Logan, an eyebrow raised.

"Look, James, I know this is going to sound completely crazy, but Kendall told me," Logan said. "Not as in he woke up. As in he visited me in a dream."

James looked at Carlos.

"He said he'd explain it to you," Logan said, glancing around as if expecting to see Kendall.

"_Tell them to go to sleep!"_

"In a dream?" James said. "Are you crazy?"

"_Darn it, Logan! Tell them they need to go to sleep! Make up something if you have to!"_

Logan tried to block Kendall's voice from his head. It was very distracting. The blond boy was getting frustrated with Logan.

"_You tell them, if you're so smart,"_ Logan thought, not really expecting Kendall to hear him.

"_What do you think I'm trying to do?"_

Logan blinked, surprised. James and Carlos were wondering what the heck was wrong with him, but he continued to ignore them. Kendall had heard his thought? How?

"_Great, now you can read minds, too?"_

"_Apparently. Now tell them to go to sleep!"_

"Logan?" Carlos waved a hand in his face. "You still in there?"

"Not really," Logan said the first thing that came to mind. Carlos started to laugh. Really laugh, more than he had in weeks. James rolled his eyes and smiled slightly. Kendall smiled, too, although no one could see him.

"So, you say that Kendall visited you in a dream and told you where Carlos was?" James asked.

"It does sound like Kendall," Carlos pointed out.

"And how would I know where Carlos was otherwise?" Logan asked.

"Lucky guess?" James shrugged.

"_Not even I'm that good."_

Logan smirked.

"Not even I'm that good," he said out loud.

"_Hey! That was my joke!"_

Logan ignored Kendall. The blond boy groaned and walked over to the group, standing next to Logan.

"_Tell James he looks like crap and tell Carlos he looks like he's getting sick. That'll get them in bed."_

Logan raised an eyebrow.

"Well, I didn't want have to tell you this," Logan took a deep breath. "But, James, you look like crap, and Carlos, you look like you're getting sick."

"What?" they said together and raced off to the bathroom.

"You do look sick," James told Carlos.

"You do look like crap," Carlos replied.

"Okay, I'm going to bed," Logan announced and headed to his bedroom. Carlos followed him into their bedroom and James went into his and Kendall's. He looked sadly at his roommates' bed and stared at the ceiling.

Kendall rolled his eyes. It was going to take a while for them to fall asleep.


	6. Chapter 6

**Author's Note: Yay! People like this story! Of course, I already knew that thanks to your reviews. Oh, and a few people have pointed out that I haven't brought in Jo. I totally forgot about her! I plan to bring her in in the next chapter. So, to all you Kendall/Jo fans, yay! To those of you who don't like that couple...Uh, I really don't know what to say to you. Read anyway? Anyway, here's chapter 6!**

**Disclaimer: No, I don't own Big Time Rush...**

James finally fell asleep after two hours. Kendall knew Carlos wasn't asleep yet. Probably afraid of having nightmares. Carlos had a big problem with nightmares.

Instead, he closed his eyes and concentrated on James. He felt the tugging feeling again and opened his eyes to see the living room.

"What is it with you guys and the living room?" Kendall asked to no one in particular.

"Kendall?" he heard from behind him and turned around. James was standing there, obviously freaked out.

"Hi, James," Kendall waved to his friend. "How's it going?"

"Uh, why I am in the living room?" James asked.

"Oh, so the living room's my fault?" Kendall mumbled. "Interesting."

"Uh, Kendall, seriously," James said to him. "One second I was rock climbing, the next, I'm standing in the living room and you're being mysterious. Is this one of those crazy nightmares?"

"Am I only in your dreams in nightmares?" Kendall asked. "Because that's what Logan said, too."

"Only recently," James muttered and looked down at the floor. "Logan was telling the truth, huh?"

"Wow," Kendall said. "Took less convincing for you. I expected it to be harder."

"Yeah, well," James shrugged. "I don't know. I guess I wanted to believe him. I wanted to think we could still talk to you."

"Here I am," Kendall said.

"So why are you visiting in our dreams?" James asked.

"To tell you a couple of things," Kendall said. "One, don't be stupid."

James shrugged.

"Two, don't fight," Kendall added. James nodded.

"Good point," James said.

"And three, you have to somehow convince my mom to take me off life support," Kendall said.

"Why?" James looked shocked. "Isn't it the only thing keeping you alive right now?"

"No, it's the one thing keeping me from going back to my body and waking up!" Kendall said, frustrated. "Somehow I ended up in the situation where until you guys take me off life support, something won't let my spirit or whatever back to my body. As soon as you take me off life support, I'll go back, and I know I'll be okay. But my mom's not even going to consider it."

"Why don't you visit her in her dreams?" James asked.

"I plan to, but I won't have time tonight," Kendall said. "I won't even get to Carlos tonight, unless he sleeps most of the day. Which is possible. Don't wake him up. Tell Logan not to, too."

"Okay," James nodded. "But wait, man. What if you don't end up being okay?"

Kendall looked at James. It was obvious that this was what he had worrying about. He thought Kendall was going to die.

"Look, you know Carlos isn't going to believe this," James said. "Three of his relatives have died after being put on life support. He's already predicting you're going to die. What if he's right?"

Kendall went up to James.

"And if he's wrong?" Kendall asked. "You have to give me a chance, James. I'm not going to give up. And, as cheesy as this is going to sound, you guys can't give up on me. You have to believe, James. It's gonna suck when I wake up, I know it is. And if I die, well, that'll probably suck, too. But even if I do die, don't give up on the others, okay? For me?"

James looked at Kendall's green eyes and nodded.

"Good luck, man," James said, trying to pat Kendall's back or something, but his hand went right through him.

"Peter!" Kendall screamed at the ceiling.

"Who's Peter?" James asked.

"I'll explain, but after I talk to Carlos," Kendall said. He smiled and disappeared.

Carlos was having a nightmare. As usual. When Kendall entered it, he was surprised to see nothing about him. About five seconds later, they were back in the living room.

"What the?" Carlos was shaking. He spotted Kendall and moaned. "No, go back to the other nightmare, I like that one better."

"Ouch," Kendall said. Carlos raised an eyebrow.

"Oh, you speak," he said quietly. "Usually you just stand there. This sucks."

"This isn't a nightmare, Carlos," Kendall sighed. He knew Carlos was going to be harder to convince. He believed in ghosts, all right, but this was going to be hard for him to accept.

"Right," Carlos glanced around. "What, are you my conscience, trying to tell me to let Logan explain? Is that it?"

Kendall raised an eyebrow.

"Why would your conscience be in the shape of me?" he asked.

"I don't know," Carlos shrugged. "It's been all of you before. Sometimes others, too."

Kendall decided not to ask.

"Are you trying to tell me Logan's telling the truth?" Carlos asked, his expression skeptical.

"Why would he be lying?" Kendall asked.

"Why didn't any of my relatives visit me in my dreams?"

"Maybe they didn't get the choice," Kendall replied. "Besides, I'm not your relatives. Carlos, I'm not going to die."

"You don't know that," Carlos crossed his arms. "Even if you are Kendall, you can't know that."

"No, I don't completely know that," Kendall admitted. The Latino raised an eyebrow.

"But-."

"But what?" Carlos asked, almost angry. "What? You want me to gamble your life on some ghost you that appeared in my dreams?"

"I am not a ghost!" Kendall said defensively. "To be ghost, I'd have to be dead, and I am not dead!"

Carlos seemed surprised.

"That was what you got out of what I just said?" Carlos asked.

"So?" Kendall crossed his arms, too.

"Okay, now I know you're Kendall," Carlos gave a small smile that disappeared almost immediately. "But that doesn't matter. Whether you're real or not, you don't know if you're going to live."

"But you have to give me a chance to live, Carlos," Kendall wished he could hug Carlos.

Carlos froze. "Are you saying take you off life support?"

Kendall nodded.

"That's not even a good idea!" Carlos seemed unable to actually argue. "Why would you even say that?"

"Because, Carlos, the life support thingy is the thing that's keeping me trapped outside of my body," Kendall sighed. "I mean my spirit. I think. It's so confusing. But as soon as I'm off life support, I can go back to my body, and then I can fight."

"And if you lose?" Carlos asked. "That's one risk I'm not willing to take."

Kendall groaned. "Why are you all so stubborn?" he asked, annoyed. "Carlos," he went to grab the boy's shoulders, but his hands went right through them. Instead of flipping out this time, he glared at his hands and then turned back to Carlos. "If you were in my position right now, what would you want me and everyone else to do?"

Carlos didn't answer. Instead he glared angrily at the floor.

"Carlos, if it were you on that bed and you trying to convince me, what would you want me to do?" Kendall asked.

"Kendall, I'm not going to agree with this," he told Kendall. Kendall opened his mouth to say more, but suddenly, Carlos woke up. He stared at the ceiling, shaking. One question wouldn't leave his mind as he lay there, thinking.

What if Kendall was right?


	7. Chapter 7

**Author's Note: Sorry I didn't update yesterday. It took me a while to write this chapter. Even though it's shorter than the others...Fail. Anyway, here's chapter 7!**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Big Time Rush.**

Logan could tell that Kendall had visited the other two when they got up. James looked happier than he had in days, and Carlos looked angrier. Logan wondered what Kendall had said to Carlos that made him so angry.

"You okay?" James asked Carlos.

"Nightmare," he muttered.

"_I take offense to that."_

Carlos and James flinched at the sound of Kendall's voice. Logan just sighed.

"Will you go away?" Carlos left the apartment.

"What's his problem?" James wondered.

"_He doesn't want to take me off life support."_

"Of course he doesn't," Logan sighed. "Do you blame him?"

"_No."_

Logan got up. "I'll go talk to him."

James nodded. Kendall didn't say anything, so Logan figured it was okay with him. He went down to the lobby, looking for Carlos. He couldn't find him anywhere in the Palm Woods. His car was gone from the parking lot. Logan sighed. This was starting to get old.

When he went back into the lobby, he noticed Jo sitting at a table. She was reading her script and looked very upset. Logan knew that Jo was having a hard time with Kendall being on life support, too. He hadn't really talked to her, though. He felt kind of bad and walked over to her table.

"Hey," he said. Jo looked up and gave him a small smile.

"Hey," she said quietly. Logan sat down. It was quiet for a few moments. Jo stared at her script, but it was obvious she wasn't actually reading it. Her eyes didn't move from the top of the page.

"You okay?" Logan asked. Jo put down her script and looked at him. She shrugged.

"I don't know," she sighed. "I just miss him."

Logan wondered if she thought Kendall was dead if they took him off life support, too, like Carlos. She looked so sad.

"He's not dead, you know," Logan told her.

"I know," Jo nodded. "I'm just worried, you know? It's like he's there, but he's not."

Logan nodded. "Yeah," he mumbled looking at the ground.

"He's going to live," Jo suddenly said. Logan looked up at her. "When they take him off life support. He's going to live."

"You believe that?" Logan was surprised. She seemed so sure of it.

Jo nodded. "When I was eight, I nearly drowned and they had to put me on life support. I'm still here. And Kendall will be, too."

Logan's eyes went wide. "Does Carlos know you were on life support?"

"No, why would he know that?" Jo looked completely confused.

"He thinks Kendall's going to die," Logan said. "He's had three cases in his family where someone was on life support and didn't make it. He refuses to let us take Kendall off life support because of that."

"But shouldn't he at least hope that Kendall's going to live?" Jo asked.

"I think he wants to, but he's afraid to," Logan told her. "He doesn't want to get his hopes up and have them crushed, like he did with his family."

Jo winced. She looked down at her script. "That's gotta be hard. First his family, now his best friend. Where is he? I want to talk to him."

"I don't know," Logan admitted. "Ever since Kendall's accident, he's had this habit of disappearing for hours at a time. Just last night he got himself locked in a closet at Rocque Records."

"How did he do that?" Jo wondered.

"I have no idea," Logan shrugged. "But his car is gone, so I'm guessing he won't be back for a while."

"Can you text me when he gets back?" Jo asked. "I still want to talk to him."

Logan nodded. He thought maybe, just maybe, Jo talking to Carlos might help. He stayed with Jo for a while, talking about Kendall. Finally, he went back up to the apartment, where James was asleep on the couch with _Finding Nemo_ playing on the TV. Logan had to laugh at that.

"_Hey."_

"Hey," Logan said out loud, not really caring if anyone thought he was crazy.

"_Find Carlos?"_

"No," Logan sighed. "But I talked to Jo. She was on life support when she was eight. She survived. Maybe that'll help Carlos change his mind."

"_Maybe."_

"You don't sound very happy," Logan informed Kendall.

"_Next time you can be the spirit thing and we'll see how happy you are."_

"Sorry," Logan grabbed a cup and filled it with water. "If it makes you feel better, your girlfriend has a lot of faith in you."

"_Good."_

Logan could almost see Kendall smirking.

"_I'm going to visit my mom's dream tonight, see if I can convince her to take me off life support so I can do something besides watch Finding Nemo and listen to James complain."_

"I heard that," James said from the couch.

"_Good."_

Logan shook his head and drank from his cup. Kendall and James were now playfully arguing. Logan liked the fact that James was acting normal-ish, but he couldn't help but think that this was too weird and that they needed real Kendall back.

Carlos came in just then, still looking ticked off. He went into his and Logan's room and slammed that door. They heard Kendall sigh.

"_I hate this. I really, really hate this."_


	8. Chapter 8

**Author's Note: Hello, everyone. Sorry it took a day longer than I expected to update. My friend was having a really hard time. Oddly enough, her dad was in a car crash, although he's way better off than Kendall. He'll be fine.**

**Oh, and I would like to point out to Sarah Torrez that I am kicking her butt. 7 chapters and 28 reviews! She had 19 chapters in her first story and only got 30 reviews. It's kinda a competition 'cause we're huge dorks. Anyway, thanks for reviewing, I love you, and I promise that the reviews are not only making me happy because I'm beating Sarah.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Big Time Rush.**

Kendall sighed. It was eight o'clock and his mom and Katie were home. Logan and James found this to be a very good reason not to talk to him. Carlos was locked in his bedroom, and although Kendall could probably just go through his door, he caught the hint. Kendall was unbelievably bored.

The TV was playing a hockey game, but it didn't interest Kendall. He just wanted time to speed up so he could go into his mom's dream and get back into his real body.

"_I am really bored."_

Logan rolled his eyes. Because Logan and James really didn't want Katie or Mrs. Knight to question them about talking to air, or sitting on the couch with blank faces, they were pretty much ignoring Kendall. He apparently didn't like that.

James was falling asleep on the couch. They'd eaten dinner and James was really tired. It had been a really weird night and day, and he really just wanted to go to bed. Finally, after much debating, he pushed himself off the couch.

"Good night," he said to no one in particular and went to his and Kendall's bedroom. It really sucked, not having Kendall in the bed across the room for him. He stared at the bed for a few minutes.

"_You know, it really sucks, watching you guys be all sad."_

James didn't even look up. He knew it wouldn't matter; he wouldn't see Kendall anyway.

"Do you blame us?" James asked. "Just because we can talk to you, doesn't make it any better. We can't talk to you around Katie or Mrs. Knight, we can't actually see you, and we can't physically touch you. I don't even know where you are right now."

"_Well, I happen to be right in front of you right now, but that's not important. And I know you can't see me or feel me or however you want to put that so it doesn't sound sexual, but I have to get into my mom's dreams before anything's going to get any further."_

James didn't reply. He was exhausted and he was too lazy to think logically. Kendall was wondering what the heck was going on with him when James suddenly tipped over, fast asleep. He woke back up as his head hit wood instead of the pillow, but he fell back asleep in no time.

Kendall snorted and rolled his eyes. He watched his friend for a couple of minutes and then left the room to find Logan, pounding on his bedroom door.

"Carlos, let me in!" his dark-haired friend seemed frustrated.

"No!" came through the door. "You'll ruin my plan and I'll fall asleep."

"Plan?" Logan looked confused. Kendall, however, understood what was going on.

"_He doesn't want me visiting him in his dreams tonight."_

Logan raised an eyebrow. "So he's locked me out of my room?"

"_He's probably got a lot of sugar and other ideas to keep him awake. He thinks you're gonna stop him for his health."_

"Smart," Logan nodded. "Carlos, at least let me get sleeping stuff?"

"No!" Carlos yelled back.

"Kendall?" Logan whispered.

"_I am not pissing him off anymore than he already is."_

"So helpful," Logan commented. "Where's James?"

"_Asleep."_

Logan let out a frustrated sigh. "Fine, I'll sleep on the couch. This is stupid, Carlos."

"Shut up!"

Kendall rolled his eyes. His friends were being ridiculous. He followed Logan to the living room. Logan looked at the couch, then turned back to the hall and into James and Kendall's room.

"_What are you doing?"_

"I need a pillow and blanket," Logan explained, grabbing both off Kendall's bed.

Kendall didn't say anything. He was sort of surprised, though. Logan was using his things while he was in the hospital. Somehow it just seemed wrong.

Suddenly, he realized something.

"_Oh! My mom's in bed. Hopefully she'll fall asleep soon."_

"Don't count on it," Logan told Kendall.

"_Why not?"_

"We really haven't been getting a lot of sleep around here," Logan told him. "In fact, last night was probably the most sleep we've gotten since your accident."

Kendall was shocked. He'd known his friends were upset, but were they really not getting any sleep? Was his mom staying up all night?

"_Well, then, what am I supposed to do?"_

Logan made a face at Kendall's very annoyed voice. "I don't know. I guess you'll just have to hope that your mom falls asleep soon."

Logan laid down on the couch. "You could visit me or James. Katie might be asleep, too."

"_Yeah, I'll visit Katie. Good idea. Thanks, Logan."_

"No problem," Logan yawned and fell asleep minutes later. Kendall concentrated on his little sister, who was in fact asleep. He felt the tug and was in the living room yet again. The only thing missing from when he'd been standing there a few seconds ago and now was Logan on the couch.

"Kendall!" Katie cried out from behind him and ran towards him. Kendall winced, because he thought Katie was going to go right through him, but instead, she slammed right into him. Kendall, shocked, immediately bent down and enveloped Katie in a huge hug. Katie was crying on his shoulder.

"I never see you in my dreams, like this," Katie cried. "Usually it's the way you are in the hospital, or you're dead, or something, but now you're alive and I can hug you."

"Katie," Kendall said in her ear, holding her tighter. "Katie, you still believe I'll live if you take me off life support, right?"

Kendall felt his sister nod.

"Of course you will," Katie said, starting to control her tears. "You're my big brother. You won't die. I know that's not logical, but-."

"It doesn't have to be logical," Kendall interrupted her. "I'm just glad you believe in me. Because the only way I get to come back is if you guys take me off life support. I need two things from you, Katie. Please try to convince our mom and Carlos that I will live if you take me off life support, and if that doesn't work, please get Mom to go to sleep."

"Okay," Katie said, not even bothering to wonder why Kendall was asking. She knew, without him even telling her, that he was really there, and that she was really hugging him. She knew he was telling the truth and needed his help. And she was willing to help him.

"Thanks, Katie," Kendall smiled, still hugging her. Maybe everything would turn out fine and he would get to go back soon.

Then he remembered how angry Carlos was. He felt that his mom was still awake and didn't plan on going to sleep. And he realized that he could actually feel the pain that his real self would be in if he could feel. He groaned.

Then again, maybe not.


	9. Chapter 9

**Author's Note: Sorry it took so long! But guess what? I'm happy now! Yay! And I saw Harry Potter 7...but that's irrelevant. Anyway, just so you know, this chapter might be slightly confusing. If you have any questions, go ahead and ask them. I'll try to answer them.**

**Oh, and guess what, Sarah? I win! Thanks so much for reading and reviewing! Every single one of you deserves a cookie, but I don't know how to get it to you. Sorry...**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Big Time Rush.**

Kendall blinked. One second, he'd been in Katie's arms, hugging her, and the next, he was back in the white room.

"Peter!" he pointed at the man, angry. Peter raised an eyebrow.

"Sorry, kid, I got told I had to bring you back," he told Kendall. Kendall sighed angrily and sat down on the white couch.

"Why?" Kendall demanded.

"Hey, I'm just the messenger, I'm not important enough to be told the reason for what I do," Peter said. "I don't think you were really making an progress, anyway."

Kendall opened his mouth to protest, but Peter held his hand up.

"Before you argue, I have to tell you some bad news," he said. Kendall closed his mouth, looking worried. Peter sighed.

"Look, kid, the health of your real self is deteriorating," he explained. "Chances for you living are not very high. You have literally a five percent chance. It'll get worse as time goes on."

"So how long until it's too late?" Kendall was determined.

"Two days, give or take a few days," Peter said.

"Thanks for being specific," Kendall sighed. "So, what you're telling me is that I'm probably going to die if I convince my family to take me off life support?"

"I didn't say that," Peter told him. "I only said you have a five percent chance. Doesn't mean you're 'probably' gonna die."

"Okay," Kendall was slightly confused, but he shook it off. "So, can I go back?"

"Oh!" Peter smacked himself on the forehead. "I forgot to tell you. You're stuck here now."

"What?" Kendall exclaimed. "I'm stuck here? Why?"

"What part of 'I'm not told the reasons' wasn't clear?" Peter said just as loudly. Kendall blinked and backed up.

"Sorry," Peter cleared his throat. "Just frustrated. I gotta go tell another girl that she's dead. See ya."

He disappeared. Kendall stared at the spot where he had just been.

What the heck was he supposed to do now? Carlos didn't believe he was going to live; his mom didn't even know about the plan yet. Katie, James, and Logan did, but he didn't know if they would be able to convince Carlos _and_ his mom on their own.

Kendall sighed angrily. Why was this happening? Why couldn't he just go down to earth and stay there? Why couldn't he just go back to his body?

Kendall continued asking himself _why_ for several hours before he realized that the screen from before was still there. He looked up and said, "Carlos."

The Latino appeared on the screen. It was obvious that he hadn't slept all night. Kendall wanted to throw something at the screen, but he didn't have anything to throw. He watched Carlos fight sleep for about twenty minutes. Finally, he lost the battle and his head drooped. Kendall groaned. He couldn't even go visit Carlos now.

/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\

"Yo," James said to Logan when he walked into the kitchen.

"Hey," Logan said, rubbing his neck. "For the record, I hate sleeping on the couch."

"Why didn't you sleep on Kendall's bed?" James asked.

"It seemed kind of disrespectful," Logan admitted.

"Okay," James raised an eyebrow, but he didn't question Logan. Katie walked out of the hall into the kitchen. She smiled at them, which took them by surprise.

"Kendall visit you last night?" Logan asked.

"He visited you guys first?" Katie seemed surprised. "I see who his favorites are."

James covered up his smile.

"Technically, the only reason he came to me first was because Carlos was trapped in a closet," Logan said, taking a bite of a banana.

"Well, it was weird, though," Katie said. "I was hugging him, and then he suddenly disappeared. No warning at all."

"Wait, you could hug him?" James stopped her. "Like, he was solid?"

"Yeah," Katie nodded.

"No fair!" James looked at Logan. "We couldn't!"

"Ha, ha," Katie stuck her tongue out. Logan realized something.

"Uh, speaking of Kendall, where is he?" he asked. "Usually he's making stupid comments about how he's not a ghost or something."

"Maybe Mrs. Knight actually slept," James suggested.

"No, she's already at work," Logan said.

"Maybe he's in Carlos' dream."

"Speaking of Carlos, did he ever fall asleep?" Katie asked Logan.

"I don't know, I slept on the couch," Logan said, somewhat angrily.

Suddenly, they heard a door opening and Carlos came running into the living room, screaming his head off.

"Carlos!" Logan, James, and Katie yelled together. He froze and turned to them, looking scared.

"What's going on?" Logan asked.

"I had a nightmare," Carlos said. "Except when I woke up, it didn't end!"

"What was it about?" James asked him, glancing at Logan.

"There was a spider on my face, and it got bigger and bigger," Carlos said. "Then I woke up and there was a spider on my face!"

"What about Kendall?" James asked.

"Didn't visit me," Carlos shrugged. "Why?"

"We were just wondering where he was," James said.

"You don't think his real self died, do you?" Logan suddenly asked, his eyes wide.

"We would have heard by now, wouldn't we?" Katie pointed out, her voice shaking slightly.

"Should we go to the hospital?" James looked at the others.

Suddenly, the phone rang. All four ran for it, but James got it first.

"Hello?" he answered, pushing Carlos' hand away from his face.

"James, it's Mrs. Knight. You guys need to get to the hospital…"

**Author's Note part two: So, yeah, I'm horrible. I haven't actually decided if Kendall's going to live or not. Part of me wants to be evil and kill him off...and the other half is easily persuaded. Just kidding. But seriously, I haven't decided yet. Anyway, uhhh...Is that my first actual cliff hanger? I'm so proud of myself. Sorry, now I'm rambling. Uh...Be good, eat your vegetables, steal candy from your little sister, and try not to kill any pedestrians on your way home. Good night.**


	10. Chapter 10

**Author's Note: So this chapter is short...but I like it. I think it works. And I like the ending...sort of. Anyway, enjoy!**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Big Time Rush.**

James, Logan, Carlos, and Katie stumbled into the waiting room to find a red-eyed Mrs. Knight pacing. She stared at them for a couple of seconds, gathering her thoughts, before she cleared her throat and looked at the floor.

"Why are we here?" James asked quickly.

"Is everything okay?" Logan added. Mrs. Knight took a deep breath.

"The doctor says that things are not looking good for Kendall," she explained. "He wants us to decide whether or not to take him off life support."

They looked at each other.

"Are we putting it to a vote or something?" Logan asked. Mrs. Knight nodded.

"I thought your input would be helpful," she said. Logan noticed the tears in her eyes.

"I say no," Carlos said immediately.

"I say yes," Logan said at the same time. Carlos glared at his dark-haired friend.

"I'm with Logan," James told Mrs. Knight.

"Me, too," Katie nodded.

"So you three want to take him off," Mrs. Knight pointed at Logan, Katie, and James, "And you don't?" she pointed at Carlos. They nodded.

"Looks like it doesn't matter where I vote, but I was going to vote to take him off," Mrs. Knight said, tears forming in her eyes. "Now we just have to hope he can pull through it."

/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\

Kendall stared at the screen in shock. That had happened way too fast, without warning. Kendall knew he should be celebrating, but now he was getting scared. What if he did die?

"Hey, kid, congrats," Peter appeared. "You get to try and live."

"What do I do, Peter?" Kendall said, nervousness in his eyes. He didn't have a clue how this was going to work.

"You won't have to do anything," Peter told him. "As soon as the life support machine is unplugged, you'll go back immediately. You'll have to fight. It'll be hard, and painful, but eventually, you'll get better."

"And if I die?" Kendall asked slowly, terror now present in his voice. Peter raised an eyebrow.

"You'll end up right back here, except I'll be able to let you out of this room and to the fun stuff about this place," Peter said. Kendall raised an eyebrow, calming down slightly.

Peter sighed. "Look, Kendall, you have to relax. Be grateful. Usually, when families take someone off life support, they've been on too long to fix themselves. You at least get a chance to fight."

"What's my percentage now?" Kendall asked.

"4 percent. But that's not what matters. What matters is that you want to live, and you have friends and family that need you to live. So, you'll have to work for it. Just like everything else in life."

Kendall raised an eyebrow. "Hey, you're pretty good at this."

"I ought to be," Peter smiled. "I've been doing it for over a thousand years."

Kendall smiled. Before he got the chance to say anything else, he felt a sudden tug and was suddenly in darkness.

_What the?_ Kendall thought, then was hit with a wave of pain. He wished he could cry out, but he couldn't. Something was holding him back.

_Pain is good. Pain means you're in your own body. Pain means you're fighting to live._

Kendall repeated that in his head as he tried to think clearly. If this was what he had to look forward to, these next few weeks were going to suck.

He felt blackness coming up on him and he fought to keep it away. Blackness was bad. Blackness meant good-bye. He struggled against the comforting numbness of the black ness. He didn't want to die. He wanted to live, like he'd promised his friends and Katie. He wanted to live, if only to show Carlos he was wrong. Kendall felt the determination in him grow.

And suddenly, he felt nothing at all.

**Author's Note: Yeah...you can kill me later for that ending...meanwhile I'll be hiding in my room.**


	11. Chapter 11

**Author's Note: Yeah, so Sarah read the last chapter, called me, and told me that I couldn't leave you guys hanging like that...so I told her I'd work on the next chapter and put it up. Oh, and I have no idea what happens when someone is taken off life support, so don't kill me for this chapter if it's wrong. 'Kay?**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Big Time Rush.**

They gathered in the hospital room, holding each other tightly. The doctor wordlessly nodded at the nurse, who began preparing the patient for what was about to happen. Finally, it came time to pull the plug.

Carlos held his breath when the nurse pulled the plug. He was so scared that Kendall was going to end up like his relatives that he didn't even dare to think that he would live. It would hurt too much if he died.

Logan watched carefully, knowing that if he followed his dream of being a doctor, he might have to do this to a patient someday. He shuddered at the thought.

James stared at Kendall's face, not interested in what the doctor and nurse were doing. He was wondering if this would be the last time he saw his friend, breathing and technically alive. He found Logan's hand and squeezed it. Logan grabbed Carlos' hand, and Carlos' grabbed Katie's. Katie reached out for her mom's hand as well. Her mom flinched out of surprise and squeezed her daughter's hand gently. The little group watched as Kendall was taken off life support. The doctor and nurse watched as well, feeling like intruders in this personal and crucial moment.

For the first minute or so, nothing happened. His heartbeat stayed where it had been, and he continued breathing.

Logan was the first out of the group to notice what was going on. The doctor and nurse weren't far behind him. The others really didn't understand what was going on.

"Is his heartbeat slowing down?" Logan asked hesitantly. Carlos' grip on his hand became tighter and tighter until Logan couldn't feel his fingers.

"I'm afraid so," the doctor nodded, watching sadly. It looked as though Kendall wasn't going to make it.

"Kendall, come on," Katie suddenly said. "You promised!"

Nothing showed that Kendall had heard her. Carlos was sure Kendall was beyond hearing anything.

"Kendall, please," Logan found himself pleading with his best friend. "Please, don't give up."

Carlos began hyperventilating. The doctor turned to him, concerned. Carlos sat down in a chair, still holding Logan and Katie's hands, refusing to let go.

"Come on, man," James' voice sounded strangled. He was holding back tears.

For the next five minutes, they watched Kendall's vitals drop to a level where he was pretty much dead. Carlos was now having a full on panic attack and the nurse was attempting to calm him down. Logan stared at the wall, unable to take any of it in. He wasn't processing it right. His eyes had to be fooling him. Kendall wasn't dead.

James sat down hard, tears rolling out his eyes, fast and hot. He brought his knees to his chest and hugged them, trying to protect himself.

Katie suddenly screamed, "No!" Everyone jumped and stared at her. She let go of her mom's hand and ran toward Kendall, who was just barely breathing.

"No! Kendall! You said you wouldn't die, you said you'd come back!" she started sobbing, her head down on Kendall's chest.

The heart monitor went flat. The doctor sighed heavily. Katie stayed where she was at.

"Kendall!" she whispered. "You promised!"

The nurse turned the heart monitor off, stopping the long, continuous beep. Mrs. Knight ran out of the room before the boys and Katie could see her completely fall apart. Carlos' panic attack got worse. Logan leaned over and hugged the Latino, trying to calm him down. The Latino leaned into the embrace, needing the comfort.

None of them could believe Kendall was dead. None of them wanted to believe it. But the fact was right in front of them, and they couldn't deny it.

Kendall Knight was dead.

**Author's Note: Still hiding in my room. Please don't kill me. Don't stop reading either. You, along with me, have no idea what's going to happen next, so...yeah. Maybe he'll end up living. I still haven't decided. I don't want this to be cliche, but I don't want it to be evil either. So yeah. I'm gonna go talk to Sarah. That always helps me decide things and get rid of writer's block. I have no idea why, but it does...Anyway, please don't kill me yet. Let me finish the story. Then you can kill me.**


	12. Chapter 12

**Author's Note: Yeah, so this is another filler chapter. I figured out what I wanted to do with this story, but I wrote this chapter before that. Besides, I couldn't not post one of these chapters. This is inspired by one of the chapters from Miss Fenway's 'Little Hollow' and TheRescuer2's 'The Butterfly Effect.' So, enjoy! And remember, if you kill me, you'll never figure out what I'm going to do!**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Big Time Rush**

Kendall opened his eyes.

"Damnit!" he cursed. He was back in the white room. Peter was staring down at him in concern.

"Damnit is right," Peter nodded. "You were supposed to live. I wonder what went wrong."

"Peter!" a very loud voice filled the room.

"Yes?" Peter asked the ceiling. Kendall looked up, wondering what was going on.

"Bring him to me," the voice said.

"Kid, you have some kind of unfinished business, apparently," Peter told him.

"You mean like my entire life?" Kendall asked angrily.

"Probably," Peter nodded, grabbing Kendall's arm. Suddenly they were in an entirely different room. This one was a grand throne room, with a golden throne on the opposite wall. A man sat on the throne, looking at them with no expression on his face.

"Is that God?" Kendall whispered to Peter, obviously in awe.

"Depends on how you look at it," Peter pushed Kendall toward the man. Kendall threw Peter an annoyed look and walked toward the man.

"Do you know what happened to you?" the man asked.

"I was hit by a semi truck and put on life support?" Kendall said it as a question.

"Yes," the man nodded. "This man, Steve, you have forgiven him."

That was not a question. Nevertheless, Kendall nodded. He _had_ forgiven Steve, as soon as he realized it was an accident.

"This is wise," the man said.

"Why am I here?" Kendall blurted. The man stared at him. "I'm sorry, I don't mean to be rude, but why didn't I live? Why did I die? No offense, but I think my friends need me more than you do right now."

"It wasn't your time to go," the man informed Kendall. "You were supposed to die many years from now."

"Okay?" Kendall was confused. Peter shrugged when Kendall looked at him.

"The devil decided he wanted to ruin my plans for some people," the man said. Kendall wondered if he meant Satan or not. "Unfortunately, you were one of those people. He saw the things you were going to do with your life and decided that getting rid of you would bring more despair into the world."

"And you're telling me you can't help me?" Kendall asked, hoping he didn't sound as irritated as he felt.

"I didn't sat that," the man pointed out. "The devil does not fully understand my powers. He does not realize that I can send you back if you choose to go."

"Yeah, I choose to go!" Kendall nodded.

"But, first, I must tell you what will happen," the man held up his hand. "Take into account what will happen if you go back and what will happen if you don't. Then decide on what you think is right."

Kendall raised an eyebrow. Then he nodded.

"If you go back, your friend Carlos will feel guilty for not believing you would live. He will try to make it up to you. He will fight with Logan and James and possible ruin their friendship. If you do not go back, Carlos will cut himself off from the world and eventually sink into a hole so deep the only way he sees out is suicide."

Kendall raised an eyebrow. So far, neither choice sounded good.

"If you go back, James will become very close to Logan, effectively excluding Carlos. They will become closer than any of the four of you have ever become, and will cause tension in the group. If you don't go back, James will find a way to blame Logan and the two will grow apart."

Kendall sighed. Going back sounded like it would suck, but it would be better than not going back.

"If you go back, your mother will become overprotective. She will quit her job so she can stay with you. If you don't go back, your mother will submerse herself in her work and realize she loves one of her coworkers. They will get married, but your mother will think of you every day."

"If you go back, Katie will grow closer to you and the two of you will have a better relationship. If you don't go back, Katie will grow close to Carlos and be brokenhearted when he commits suicide."

"If you go back, you and Jo will have a bumpy road. If you do not go back, Jo will find comfort in a man who just wants her money and will physically abuse her. If you go back, the devil will not leave you alone. He will attempt to attack you again. That outcome depends on how you react."

"Will I remember this?" Kendall asked.

"No," Peter jumped in. "As soon as you go back, you'll forget everything that's happened in the past two and a half weeks. You'll forget about going into your friends' dreams, about me, the room, this little talk, everything. Your friends will remember you going into their dreams, and it'll be weird when they bring it up."

"How long do I have?" Kendall asked.

"Take as much time as needed," Peter told him. "If you go back, it'll only be a few seconds after you died."

"Both choices sound bad and good," Kendall sighed. "I hurt some if I go and I hurt some if I stay, but it works the other way, too. I help some if I go and I help some if I stay. Is there anyway the two could work together?"

"There is," the man nodded. "But without remembering this, you'll be unable to figure it out."

"Well, that's fair," Kendall sighed and started thinking.

**Author's Note: So, yeah, one of these chapters. Kind of cliche, but kind of different, too. I hope. I figured that some of my readers probably don't beleive in God, or have different views, so I made it...vague. Hopefully. If it didn't work, I apologize. And don't kill me, please.**

**So, I can't figure out what I want to do next. This story's starting to wrap up (I think) and I'd kind of like your input on what I should do next. Put what you think I should in a review, or in a message. Please and thank you!**


	13. Chapter 13

**Author's Note: So, here's my decision. I wasn't gonna post it until tomorrow, but...I don't know. I felt horrible leaving you with that cliff hanger. It's really short, but it needed to end where it did. So, read on, fellow BTR-fan!**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Big Time Rush.**

Katie sobbed on Kendall's chest, wondering why he had to die, and why he hadn't fulfilled his promise. The others had told her about their dreams with Kendall, and he really had promised everyone that he would be okay.

Carlos was still having a panic attack. The nurse was still unsuccessfully trying to calm him down. Logan was still hugging him, and he now had one arm around James, as well. The three of them tried to ward off the pain by holding onto each other. James was shaking, trying to hide his face in Logan's shoulder from the sight of their friend lying on the hospital bed.

It took a few moments for Katie to notice it. She was too wrapped up in her grief to realize that the thumping she heard in her ear was not her own heartbeat. She abruptly stopped crying and opened her eyes and sat up.

"Kendall?" she said, her voice cracking. Logan turned his head and stared at her, then at Kendall.

Was he imagining it? It couldn't be possible, could it? No, he had to be hallucinating. He was so upset about Kendall dying that he was letting his mind trick him. Because there was no other logical explanation for what he was seeing.

James saw the look on Logan's face when turned. James followed his gaze, wincing when he found it was on Kendall. But something made him freeze. He gasped, his eyes widening. Was it possible? The nurse had unplugged the heart monitor, so they couldn't really tell if they were imagining it.

Carlos heard Katie say Kendall's name and heard James gasp. He was afraid to look. He was finally starting to calm down, not hyperventilating as much. When he could breathe normally, he allowed himself to look up at Kendall. He held his breath, hoping that he wasn't seeing things.

The nurse looked up at him in alarm when he stopped breathing, having been worried about him. She saw that he was looking at Kendall. She glanced around, wondering what he had seen, when she noticed everyone's eyes except the doctor's were on Kendall. The nurse stood up and turned toward the boy in the bed.

"Doctor!" she gasped. He turned around immediately, staring at the boy.

"But how?" he wondered. With good reason, too, because never, in his entire career, had something like this ever happened before. It just wasn't possible. He couldn't understand it.

Because somehow, Kendall was breathing again.

**Author's Note: Yeah, he lived. Yay! I felt like a horrible person, killing Kendall. That, and I don't want anymore death threats...just kidding. By the way, all of you readers and reviewers, I seriously love you. Seriously. You make me happy. Thanks for reading and reviewing! I don't know how much longer this story is going to go, but we'll see.**

**Oh, and about my newest project. Just give me a vote on the poll on my profile page. Who should it focus on? Kendall, Carlos, Logan, or James?**


	14. Chapter 14

**Author's Note: Sorry! I meant to have this up two days ago. Oh, well. At least it's up, right? Anyway, I am so glad you guys like this story so far. By the way, if you want to vote on my poll and haven't yet, I'd like it if you'd go to my profile page and vote! And, yay, we're back to long chapters again! Although last chapter was pretty cool.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Big Time Rush. Although, according to my best friend's dream last night, I do own Logan. Yeah, I don't know.**

"James! Come on!" Carlos tapped his foot impatiently. His helmet was in his hands and he was repeatedly throwing it up and down. Logan stood next to him, wondering how on earth he was managing to keep both going at different beats.

"James!" Carlos whined. "I want to go! What if he's awake and we missed?"

"Don't jinx it!" James yelled from the bathroom.

"Shut up!" Carlos yelled back.

"Never!" James came running out of the bathroom, a bandanna cape flying behind him. Logan started laughing. Carlos put his helmet on his head, laughing as well.

"Take the cape off," Logan told James.

"Never!" James repeated, running to his bedroom. When he came out, the cape was twice as long. It would have been epic if James hadn't tripped over it. Three times.

"Okay, taking cape off," James said, his face turning slightly red. Carlos was still laughing. Logan looked torn between laughing and slapping James on the back of the head.

Finally, they were ready to go. It had been a week since Kendall had come back to life and he was still in a coma. The doctors were hopeful, though. Kendall had been improving since he'd started breathing again. It put everyone in high spirits. They were sure Kendall was going to wake up any day.

"Hey, Katie," Logan said to her as they walked into Kendall's hospital room. Carlos noticed that Kendall wasn't awake yet. He sighed, slightly upset. He just wanted Kendall to wake up so the entire ordeal could end. He felt like Kendall could leave at any moment while he was still unconscious.

"Hi, Kendall!" James sang out suddenly.

"Jeez," Logan said, sitting back down. He'd jumped up when James had yelled.

"I just wish he'd reply," Carlos said, sounding annoyed. Logan threw him a look, which he returned.

"Believe me, we all do," Mrs. Knight said from the doorway. She'd been in the cafeteria. She and Katie had spent the night, and she'd been eating. Katie wasn't hungry, so she'd stayed with Kendall.

"Does anyone else have a weird feeling?" Carlos asked, looking around at everyone else. Logan raised an eyebrow.

"No," he told Carlos. James shook his head.

"If you mean the hospital Jell-O messing with my stomach, then yes," Katie said, rubbing her stomach. Carlos gave her a small smile and shook his head.

"Kind of like the feeling you got before Kendall got in the accident?" Logan looked at the blond boy.

"Kind of like that, yeah," Carlos nodded, following Logan's gaze.

It was quiet for a few minutes. They didn't move until Mrs. Knight stood up and went into the bathroom.

"Do you think Kendall will remember visiting our dreams?" Katie asked the others.

"I don't know why he'd forget it," Logan shrugged. They were quiet again. Carlos got restless and started pacing around the room. Logan watched him walk back and forth, trying to distract himself from his worry.

"Stop pacing, you're making me dizzy!" Katie complained after ten minutes.

"I'm bored!" Carlos replied. "I don't know what to do!"

"Jingle bells, jingle bells, jingle all the way," James interrupted by singing.

"Isn't the next holiday Halloween?" Logan asked absentmindedly.

"Your point?" James sighed. "How else are we supposed to amuse ourselves?"

Logan shrugged. "I'm not sure."

Carlos plopped down on a chair, obviously still bored. He started humming a song. It took everyone a few minutes to recognize it. Katie was the first to do so.

"Hilary Duff?" she raised an eyebrow and stared at Carlos. "Really?"

"It was the first song to pop into my head," he shrugged. "Hey, it's a good song!"

"I don't even know what song it was!" Logan sighed.

"'Wake Up,'" Katie informed him."

"Ah," Logan still looked confused. "And which one is that?"

"Logan," James groaned. "You're so musically handicapped."

"I am not!" Logan defended himself. "I know music. I just don't listen to the same kind as you."

Carlos began singing loudly to shut them up. He was singing 'Walking on Sunshine,' the Aly and AJ version.

"How many songs do you know?" Katie asked when he was finished. In answer to her question, he switched to 'Thanks for the Memories' by Fall Out Boy. Mrs. Knight walked out just as he hit the chorus and raised an eyebrow.

"Don't question it," Logan sighed. "Just act like you don't notice it. Or you could join James."

The brunette had jumped up as soon as Carlos had started the song and was dancing around the hospital room.

"Well, they are amusing themselves," Katie pointed out.

Carlos didn't stop after that song. Instead, he switched to a new song, 'We're Not Gonna Take It,' by Twisted Sister.

"Good grief, none of these songs are in the same genre!" Logan said four crazy songs later.

"Shut up," Carlos said, starting a Jonas Brothers song.

"No!" James said. "You know that's my least favorite song!"

"No, I didn't," Carlos said. "I thought your least favorite song was 'Fly on the Wall' by Miley."

"Shut up!" James threw his water bottle at Carlos.

"You shut up!"

"Both of you shut up!" Katie suddenly cut in. They were so absorbed in their conversation they missed what they'd been waiting for during the past few weeks.

"Don't tell me to shut up!" Carlos said.

"Grow up!" Katie told Carlos.

"Do I have to start singing this time?" Logan asked, exasperated. Mrs. Knight noticed something and grinned.

"Be quiet, Logan!" Carlos and Katie said at the same time.

"Guys?" Mrs. Knight said, trying to get their attention.

"Stop fighting!" Logan told Carlos and Katie, ignoring Mrs. Knight.

"Don't tell us what to do!" this time, Carlos, Katie, _and_ James said it.

"Stop yelling at each other!" Logan said.

"Oh, for the love of my lucky comb, chill out!" James sighed.

"Guys?" Mrs. Knight said, more loudly this time.

"Not now, Mrs. Knight," the boys said together. She smiled and shook her head. Katie gave her mom a curious look. Mrs. Knight pointed and Katie turned, then smiled.

"'For the love of your lucky comb?'" Carlos laughed at James.

"What about your helmet?" James asked defensively.

"Don't bring my helmet into this!"

"Guys?" a different voice said this time. All three boys froze and turned toward the bed. It was Kendall. He was awake, and staring at them with a mildly amused look on his face.

"Kendall!" the boys yelled and tripped over each other trying to get to the bed. Katie cracked up and managed to beat all three of them to the bed, hugging her brother as soon as she made it. Kendall winced as she put pressure on his still broken ribs.

"Sorry!" Katie said.

"Don't worry, I'll be fine," he promised her.

Logan, Carlos, and James grinned. It was good to have Kendall back.

**Author's Note: Yeah, rushed ending. Sorry. The next chapter should continue this conversation. I think.**

**Oh, and have you noticed how I just randomly started putting ANs at the beginning and the end? I don't know why I started doing that. Uh, anyway, Happy Thanksgiving! YIPEE!**


	15. Chapter 15

**Author's Note: So, I would have put this up yesterday, but my family decided to have Thanksgiving a day late because people were sick and my aunt (she's a doctor) didn't get the day off...so, yeah. But I'm putting it up now! Yay! Uh...yeah, here we go.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Big Time Rush, although my friend keeps having that dream.**

"So, how you feeling, man?" Logan asked Kendall. The blond boy made a face.

"Like crap," he said.

"I don't blame you," Carlos grinned.

The doctor walked in just then.

"How are you feeling, Kendall?" he asked. Kendall glanced at Logan.

"Like crap," he repeated.

"What hurts?" the doctor asked him.

"My head, my arm, and my ribs," Kendall told him, sighing.

"That's normal," the doctor said. "I'll get some pain medication for you."

"Okay," Kendall nodded. The doctor left. Kendall turned to the others. "How long was I out?"

"Uh," the group looked at each other.

"Three weeks and a couple days?" Logan guessed. Kendall raised an eyebrow.

"That long?" he seemed surprised.

"Most of it was on life support," Carlos added.

"What?" Kendall looked even more surprised.

"He doesn't remember," Katie whispered to James. He looked down at her and shrugged.

"Wow," Kendall shook his head. "I was on life support? What even happened in the first place?"

"From what we heard, you were in a bad car accident," Logan said. "We weren't actually there. But the driver, Steve, told us what happened."

"Steve?" the name reminded Kendall of something. "Why is that familiar? I think there was something I was supposed to do with a Steve."

He thought about it for a few seconds.

"Never mind," he shrugged. "So I missed three weeks?"

"And a few days," Katie grinned.

"And a few days," Kendall nodded. "What did I miss?"

"Nothing much," James said.

"Camille got a part in a movie," Logan remembered.

"Gustavo and Kelly haven't called us since they found out about your accident," Carlos said.

"Carlos ran away a few times," James shrugged.

"James nearly broke your new hockey stick," Carlos glared at James.

"Carlos kicked me out of my room and made me sleep on the couch," Logan said, trying to keep a straight face.

"Nobody slept a lot," Katie suddenly threw in.

"Oh, and Carlos just did a whole performance for us," James pointed at him.

"Everything from Fall Out Boy to Twisted Sister to the Jonas Brothers," Carlos grinned at Kendall.

Kendall raised an eyebrow, staring at them like they were all crazy.

"Right," he said slowly. The doctor came in with medication just then.

"This medication will make him tired," the doctor warned the others. "Don't keep him awake, okay? I'll let you stay if you're quiet."

The boys and Katie nodded. Mrs. Knight smiled.

It only took Kendall about ten minutes to fall asleep. They watched him sleep for a few minutes, then started talking to each other.

/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\

_The car was heading toward a truck. He tried to turn the wheel, to slow down, to do _something_, but nothing worked. He was helpless to stop the accident from happened._

_Time slowed down for him as he looked up at the truck. He saw the truck driver's scared face, trying to stop the truck, but it was too late. The car slammed straight into the truck. Kendall, instead of falling unconscious, felt the entire thing happen. The way he was thrown around the truck, how hard he hit his head on the window and steering wheel. The involuntary scream he let out. The spinning of the car. It seemed so real._

_The car kept spinning, right off a cliff. He felt his seatbelt break and he was thrown out of his seat, into the windshield. He didn't go completely through it, but he felt glass stab the back of his head. His arm slammed into the window next to him._

_Finally, the car hit the ground. The impact threw him yet again into the windshield, then he fell back down into his seat. How he was still conscious, he didn't know._

_He realized the car was on fire and that the fire was near his head. He vaguely thought about the gas and the fire being a bad mixture, but there was nothing he could do. The flames swallowed up his body. There was a searing pain in his stomach, and his arm stung._

_Suddenly, there was an explosion, and he felt…nothing._

**Author's Note: For the record, he's not dead. And I don't know what came over me for that dream...Poor Kendall. But you didn't think I could put him through all that and not have nightmares, did you? Oh, well. Sorry if you hate this chapter. I have a question, though. Did that dream seem kind of graphic to you, or am I just crazy?**


	16. Chapter 16

**Author's Note: So. What's up? I'm gonna close the poll. Kendall won. So, my next poll will be on plots, because I haven't decided what stories I'm doing. Everybody give yourselves a pat on the back, 'cause you all are awesome. By the way, kittten12, I know Sarah has 31 reviews. She didn't have that last review when I posted that chapter. Okay?**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Big Time Rush.**

Kendall woke up, breathing hard. It was the middle of the night, and his mom and sister were the only ones there, sleeping in chairs. He didn't know where the guys had gone, but he assumed it was back to 2J. He sighed. He'd been on life support? It was so confusing. He really couldn't remember happened.

Maybe the dream was trying to tell him something. But that couldn't have been what happened. He was alive, not dead. There wasn't a fire, because he wasn't burned anywhere.

He suddenly became aware of how much his arm was hurting. He'd broken his arm before, and it hadn't hurt as much as it did now. He hoped nothing serious was wrong with it. He wondered what he'd missed. There had to be more than what the guys had just told him. He hoped they weren't fighting. He knew from experience that when one of them was gone or out, the others went a little crazy. It had happened when Logan had gone away for a few months, and every time one of them went to a camp without the others. They needed all four of them to be together or they just didn't work.

Kendall stared at the ceiling. He wasn't going to get back to sleep unless he got more medicine, and he didn't want anymore medicine. He sighed again, wishing he could roll over. He couldn't because it would hurt his ribs.

Kendall started to hum. He'd heard Carlos' little performance in his half-conscious state, trying to wake up, and now 'We're Not Gonna Take It' was stuck in his head. He didn't want to wake up his mom or Katie, so he kept from singing, but he wanted to sing really badly.

Finally, sun started to come in through the window. He looked toward the door when it opened. It was a nurse, and she gave him a big smile when she saw him sitting up.

"Hi, Kendall," she smiled. "How long have you been awake?"

"Few hours," Kendall said, deciding not to lie.

"Are you in pain?" she asked.

"A little bit," Kendall admitted. He was lying to some degree, as his arm hurt really badly, but he didn't want anymore medicine.

"Would you like medicine?" she asked. Kendall shook his head.

"Okay," the nurse nodded. "Are you hungry?"

"Yeah," Kendall nodded. "Starving."

"I'll bring you some breakfast," the nurse smiled, walking out the door. Miraculously, Katie and Mrs. Knight remained asleep, even when she came back with food and gave it to Kendall to eat. He smiled at the nurse and started eating the odd-tasting hospital food. No matter how many times he came to a hospital, he was always amazed at how weird the food tasted. At least this was better than the food at the Minnesota hospital. That food…it made meals an adventure and a work-out.

Kendall pushed the button, bringing the bed a little higher so he was actually sitting up. He wondered how long it would take for the guys to get there, because he was extremely bored.

He found the remote for the TV and turned it on. There was nothing really on, just a whole bunch of news shows. There wasn't even a cartoon channel. He stared at a woman who was talking about something to do with the president. He looked out the window, noticing a tree right outside his window with a squirrel looking at something in the opposite direction.

"Kendall?" Katie said, sitting up straight. Kendall turned to her and smiled.

"Hey, Katie," he said. She walked over to his bed and sat on the end. She stared at the ground for a while.

"You okay?" Kendall asked Katie. She looked up at him, surprised. She let out a breath and turned to him.

"No," she said. "I was so scared, Kendall. You died. You were dead for about a minute. That's not something I can just forget, even if you are alive, and awake. No, Kendall, I'm not okay, because for an entire minute, I thought I lost my older brother."

Kendall reached for her. She moved closer and allowed him to hug her while she tried not to cry. He put his head on top of hers, whispering comforting things in her ear. She gave into the tears and wrapped her arms around her brother as tightly as she could without hurting him.

Katie's crying woke up Mrs. Knight and she was concerned for a minute, thinking something happened. But when she saw her children hugging on Kendall's bed, she relaxed and smiled. It was a cute moment, but it was also a sibling moment, and she didn't want to break it up. She quietly got up and left the room, trying to be as sneaky as possible, but Kendall saw her leave out of the corner of his eye.

Finally, Katie calmed down and moved her head out from under Kendall's. She looked up at him and gave him a small smile.

"I'm glad you're not dead, Kenny," Katie said to him.

"Me, too, Katie-Kat," Kendall smiled at the nicknames from when they were younger.

Ten minutes later, Mrs. Knight walked into the room to see Kendall and Katie both laying on the hospital bed, making fun of a reporter on the news. She smiled. It looked like the two of them were going to be okay.

**Author's Note: I don't know how much longer this story's gonna go, but I wanted a little bit of fluff. I like doing Kendall/Katie siblings moments. Probably because my older brother and I are a lot like the two of them. Except closer in age. But, anyway, review if you feel like. If you don't, I understand. Thanks for reading, then!**


	17. Chapter 17

**Author's Note: Okay, I am so sorry that I haven't updated in over a week! My school's play started kicking into over drive and stupid me decided I wanted to do spotlight and so I couldn't miss any of the rehearsals and afterwards I was too tired to write. Sorry! Also I had writer's block. Fail. Just kidding. But here I am, done with writer's block and the play. It was the Wizard of Oz. Good musical. Anyway, here's chapter 17!**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Big Time Rush. One of my best friends wrote a story where I owned Kendall, though. Funny.**

"Hey," James said as he walked into the kitchen. Logan nodded at him. Carlos grunted. He was sitting upside down on the couch. For what reason, James would never know. He just shook his head and filled a bowl with cereal.

Carlos stared at the coffee table. He felt kind of bad. He'd thought Kendall was going to die. He'd thought his friend wasn't strong enough to fight and live, like his relatives. But Kendall had lived, and was even awake now. Even though Kendall didn't remember what Carlos had said, he still felt bad. Best friends were supposed to believe in each other and support each other. Some best friend Carlos had been.

"Come on, guys, let's go," James said loudly. Carlos sat up, made a face, and tried to flip over. It failed, mostly because his feet hit the coffee table and he ended up rolling off the couch and hitting his head on the ground pretty hard.

"Ow," he moaned. Logan and James looked at each other and rolled their eyes.

"Where's my helmet when I need it?" Carlos muttered, not opening his eyes yet.

"Come on, Carlos," James said.

"My head hurts," Carlos said, his eyes still closed.

"Well, next time, don't be stupid," James told him.

"Don't call me stupid," Carlos' eyes opened and he sat up quickly. He got slightly dizzy, but he fought it back and glared at James.

"Then stop acting stupid!" James replied, turning to the door.

Carlos gave Logan a look that clearly said 'pick a side.' Logan looked panicked for a couple of seconds, then shook his head.

"I'll be in the car," Logan said, pushing James back to Carlos. James glared at him as the door shut and turned around. Carlos looked angry. Angrier than James had ever seen him. Carlos was horrible at holding grudges, and he hated being angry, especially at his friends. But Carlos didn't look like he was backing down this time.

They glared at each other for a few minutes before James angrily stomped out of the room, slamming the front door behind him. Carlos sat down on the couch hard. The dizziness came back and was so bad that Carlos had to lay down before it went away.

He'd given himself a concussion, he was sure of that. But a concussion had never made him that dizzy. Carlos pushed it out of his mind, sure that it was nothing. He was still angry at James, and not really able to focus on anything else right then.

Carlos realized that James and Logan had left for the hospital without him. Kendall was going to wonder what was going on.

Carlos glared at the ceiling. _Fine._ If his friends didn't want him there, then he wasn't going to force himself on them.

/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\

Kendall stared at the TV, wondering how long it took his friends to shower, get dressed, and eat in the morning. Logan, he knew for sure, could get completely ready in about twenty-five minutes. But with James and Carlos, who knew how long. With James, it depended on what his hair was doing. With Carlos, it depended on what kind of mood he was in.

Kendall sighed. He was really bored. His mom and Katie had gone to eat breakfast in the cafeteria.

"Jingle bells, jingle bells, jingle all the way," he started singing the first song that popped into his head. He groaned. "Kill me now," he mumbled.

"Hey, Kendall!" Logan said brightly as he walked into the room. A very angry James followed him into the hospital room.

"Hey," Kendall waited for Carlos to follow, but the Latino never came in.

"Where's Carlos?" he asked, looking at Logan and James.

"At home," Logan said. "He and James kind of got into a fight and Carlos never came out to the car, so we left."

An alarm started going in Kendall's head. _James and Carlos fighting. _Why was that a problem? They'd fought before. They always made up.

"What was it about?" Kendall asked.

"To be honest, I don't really know," Logan told him. "I wasn't paying attention."

"He was being stupid," James said before getting up and leaving the room. Kendall groaned.

"Do we really have to fight now?" he wondered. "Seriously?"

"Sorry," Logan said.

"Don't be," Kendall said. "You're not the one fighting."

"Although to Carlos it probably looks like I took James' side," Logan pointed out. Kendall closed his eyes.

"Carlos will get over it," he said, trying sound confident. "He's really bad at holding grudges."

"I don't know, man," Logan suddenly sounded sad. "A lot happened while you were out. I don't think Carlos is going to let go of this as easily as he used to. He's not as happy and hyper as he used to be. He's quieter. It's weird."

Kendall opened his eyes and looked at his dark-haired friend.

"What about James?" he asked.

"Well, it's really easy to make him mad," Logan looked at the door. "Easier than it used to be. Kendall, you're alive and going to be okay and we're still falling apart. What are we supposed to do?"

Kendall didn't answer. Logan's question echoed in his mind. What _were_ they supposed to do? Kendall closed his eyes again. He heard James walk back in the room, but he didn't open his eyes. He didn't open them when his sister and mom walked back in, either. He just wanted to think.

/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\

Kendall pretended to be asleep for so long that he actually fell asleep. Logan and James left quietly.

It was obvious when they walked in that Carlos was still mad at James. For one thing, all the corn dogs were still in the freezer, which meant Carlos wasn't hungry. The apartment was still intact, which meant he wasn't hyper.

Carlos was fast asleep on the couch. He had a bruise on his forehead-from what, Logan had no idea. It looked like a bad bruise, though. James looked at Carlos and noticed the bruise, too, but he just shook his head and walked to his bedroom.

Logan sighed and headed over to Carlos.

"Carlos, wake up," Logan said. The Latino opened his eyes slowly.

"What?" he asked, still half-asleep.

"What happened to your forehead?" Logan asked.

"What?" Carlos looked slightly surprised and felt his forehead. "Oh. Ow. I don't know."

Logan raised an eyebrow. How could he not know where he got a bruise on his forehead? Something was up.

Carlos tried to act normal. What Logan didn't know was that Carlos didn't want Logan to know where he got it from. Carlos had been so angry earlier that he'd slammed his head down on the table, trying to stop the angry thoughts going through his head. He'd knocked himself out for about a half an hour. The thing was, Carlos liked the pain. He wasn't stupid or suicidal, but it stopped the anger that seemed to be out of his control, and let him forget the last few weeks for a few minutes. It was an escape.

Logan didn't question Carlos any further, although he did get him an ice bag, which Carlos used for a few minutes until Logan left the room. Then he put it on the table and stared at the ceiling.

He made a silent promise to himself that he would never use inflict pain on himself ever again. At least not on purpose. He couldn't stop the injuries he got from falling off the top of the swirly slide.

He never would again. He was sure of it.

**Author's Note: Yeah. Fail, again. Start a Kendall whumpage/angst (as TealMoose says it) and turn it into a Carlos angst/psycho story. Don't worry, it'll still focus on Kendall.**

**Oh, and I really wanted to thank everyone who's reviewed. I looked at my review count before uploading this chapter, and went: "Holy crap! I have 74 reviews! No way!" So, thanks for reviewing. I don't write for the reviews, but they make my day, and you guys are awesome. Yup.**


	18. Chapter 18

**Author's Note: Oh, my God, I am so sorry! I got grounded from my computer for the past two weeks. I hope you guys still remember me and will read still! I love you guys! Please?**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Big Time Rush.**

Kendall could immediately tell something was wrong when James and Logan walked in the next morning, again without Carlos.

"What's going on?" he asked, looking at them.

"We don't know where Carlos is," Logan said. James glared down at the ground. He apparently wasn't over this yet.

"What?" Kendall was worried.

"He left a note that said 'I'm going out, go without me,'" Logan said, showing it to Kendall. "He did this several times when you were out, but he didn't leave notes then."

"He's probably still mad," Kendall said, looking pointedly at James. It was obvious that James was deliberately avoiding his gaze.

"He'll be fine," Kendall said to Logan. "He came back the other times fine, right?"

"Yeah, but he knows you're alive," Logan pointed out. "I don't understand why he's doing it."

"Maybe we can ask him later," Kendall tried to relax. It didn't work very well.

/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\

Carlos sat on the bank of the small creek he'd ran through the day of Kendall's accident. He thought back to how helpless he'd felt then. That had been horrible, but preferred that to the anger he kept feeling.

Carlos tried to figure out what was wrong with him. He felt like something had broke inside him when Kendall had been in the accident, and him coming back to life wasn't enough to fix it. He was broken beyond repair.

He snorted. That would be just his luck, being the one to go crazy after the accident. He was, after all, always the screw up, wasn't he? The one who always did something wrong, or messed up a project. Kendall, Logan, and James would never do something like that. They were too perfect.

Carlos stopped his thoughts right there. Now he was scared. He'd never thought about his friends that way. Or about himself that way.

Well…that wasn't completely true. He did think of himself as a screw up more often than he should. But when being compared to his friends, all he looked like was the class clown who messed everything up.

Carlos groaned and leaned back against a tree. He stared up at the sky, wondering what was going on. He let himself fall to one side and curled up in a ball, staring at the water for comfort. The creek was slow and clean, reflecting the sun where it came down through the trees. It seemed to mock Carlos, looking as if it didn't have a care in the world. Carlos grabbed a nearby rock and tossed it in the river, hoping to cause some sort of distress in the current. The ripples the rock left weren't satisfying; they disappeared too quickly.

Carlos squeezed his eyes shut. He didn't know what to do anymore.

**Author's Note: This is a horrible chapter to give you after two weeks of nothing. It's just a filler chapter, I promise. I plan to have something better by tomorrow, since I'm finally out of school. And am I being too dramatic with Carlos? This is what he gets for fighting with Kendall to be my favorite. I want a new BTR episode...**


	19. Chapter 19

**Author's Note: Aw, you guys are awesome. You make me so happy. Hey, look! 84 reviews! Yay! Anyway, I have to warn you, this chapter might be a little...let's say dark. At least in my opinion. I feel like I'm pushing it with Carlos. What do you guys think? Too dramatic, or do you like it?**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Big Time Rush.**

Carlos stumbled into the house around eleven o'clock that night. Logan and James were still up, waiting for him to get home. Carlos hoped to get to his room before they said anything. He didn't want to talk.

"Carlos?"

_Fail._

Carlos sighed and turned toward them. "What?"

"Where were you today?" Logan asked. "Why didn't you come to the hospital?"

Carlos didn't answer. He looked at the ground, knowing that if he looked at Logan and James, he'd explode.

"Carlos?" Logan said.

"Just forget it, Logan, it's obvious he doesn't care," James stood up and left the room. Logan rolled his eyes. Carlos went into the bedroom he shared with Logan, grabbed some clothes, and went to take a shower. He let the hot water run over his head, trying to clear his mind. When the water started to get cold, he decided to get out.

Carlos looked at himself in the mirror. The bruise on his forehead was as ugly as it had been the night before. Carlos winced when he looked at it. Then he realized that he needed to shave.

He pulled out his razor and stared at it for a couple of seconds. The blade looked so sharp. It was a pretty new razor, so it was shiny as well.

Once couldn't hurt, right? And the pain had helped last night, right?

Carlos realized his hands were shaking badly. He stared at the razor, then turned his eyes to his arm. Before he could really think about it, he pressed the razor down to his forearm and moved it.

The pain was instantaneous. Carlos gasped, then bit his tongue. Logan and James wouldn't understand. He didn't need to let them know about this.

He pulled away the razor, staring in fascination at the blood on the razor. Then he looked back down at his arm. It was bleeding freely. The cut was longer than he'd meant it to be. It would take a lot of bandages to cover it.

Carlos washed the razor and put it away. He then pulled out the gauze and wrapped his arm with it, deciding to just wear long sleeves the next day. Then he looked around the bathroom and realized there was blood all over the ground and on his pants. He sighed and cleaned up the floor. His pants were ruined, so he threw them away and got another pair of pants. He laid down in his bed, trying not to wake up Logan as he did so.

Then he realized he'd never actually shaved.

/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\

Kendall opened his eyes to find himself in a familiar white room. Suddenly, everything came rushing back at him.

"Why am I back here?" he wondered out loud.

"Hey, kid," a voice said. Kendall looked around to see a man standing there.

"Peter?" he raised an eyebrow.

"Now you remember," Peter sighed. "Look, kid, I know we said that you wouldn't remember what was going to happen if you went back, but something went wrong."

"What went wrong?" Kendall asked.

"I don't know all the details, but I do know that the futures the boss told you mixed together," Peter told him.

"Wait, which parts?" Kendall demanded, remembering what the man had said. Everyone seemed okay. Except…

"Carlos," he and Peter said at the same time. Peter nodded.

"We don't know if he's actually suicidal yet, but, kid, he's definitely depressed, and it's just going to get worse from here," Peter told him.

"What am I supposed to do if he doesn't come to the hospital to see me?" Kendall asked.

"You'll figure it out," Peter said. "I wish I could help more than this, but I really can't. All I can do is offer support."

"Will I remember this conversation?" Kendall looked at Peter.

"It's iffy," Peter told him. "Right now, you've got about a twenty percent chance of remembering this."

"But if I don't remember this, how am I supposed to help Carlos?" Kendall groaned.

"Well, he is your best friend," Peter pointed out. "You've already suspected something was wrong. Maybe you'll get him to open up."

Kendall sighed. "Why can't anything be easy?"

"Because life would be boring then," Peter answered. Kendall glared at him. "Hey, kid, you're the one who asked!"

Kendall sighed again, then opened his mouth to as another question, but something distracted him.

"Kendall?" a familiar voice was saying. Kendall opened his eyes again to find Katie staring at him. She smiled when he looked at her.

"What?" he asked her, yawning.

"Are you hungry?" Katie asked. "It's time for breakfast. The nurse told me to wake you."

"Yeah, I could go for some food," Kendall nodded. "Are the guys coming in today?"

"Gustavo called," Katie told him. "I think they have to go there today. For what, I don't know."

"Okay," Kendall nodded, wondering what Gustavo could have planned.

"I see you didn't have any nightmares today," Katie sat down on the bed with him.

"Nope, no nightmares," Kendall grinned.

"What did you dream about?" Katie asked.

"Uh," Kendall tried to remember. It was blurry. "Something about a guy named Peter and Carlos."

"What about them?" Katie reached for the remote.

"I don't know," Kendall told her. She turned the TV on.

"Why can't something interesting be on?" Katie groaned.

"Hey, wait, go back," Kendall told her. She did and they saw Big Time Rush on the screen. "What are we doing on the news?"

"And an inside source tells us that Kendall actually woke up and is going to be fine. Can you believe that, Maggie?"

"Such an amazing story."

Katie muted it. "It was about you."

"Really?" Kendall asked sarcastically. Katie gave him an innocent look, which caused both of them to start laughing.

They were still laughing when Mrs. Knight came in. She raised an eyebrow.

"What's so funny?" she asked.

"I'm not really sure," Kendall admitted. Katie giggled.

"How are you feeling today?" Mrs. Knight asked him.

"Better," Kendall told her. It was true. His ribs didn't hurt as much, and his arm wasn't in so much pain. Mrs. Knight smiled and sat down in the chair. The nurse brought in breakfast for him. Kendall made a face at the weird hospital food smell, but he ate it anyway.

His phone started ringing. Katie handed it to him and he answered it.

"Hello?"

"Kendall, is Carlos at the hospital with you?" Logan asked.

"Nope," Kendall sighed. "Can't find him again?"

"He didn't leave a note this time," Logan told him. "And I didn't mean to snoop, but I found a pair of his pants in the garbage with what looks like blood on them. I'm worried."

That was when his dream came rushing back.

"Oh, shit."

**Author's Note: Kendall always seems like the one who would cuss in the ground. I don't think Logan would. I don't think Carlos would either. James probably would. Oh, but that's not the point...so, was it a good chapter? Disappointing? Angsty? Am I annoying you yet? No? Darn...**


	20. Chapter 20

**Author's Note: I am so sorry! There's really no excuse this time except that I kinda just forgot. I don't blame you if you hate me, but don't let the story suffer for it.**

**Did you guys see the Big Time Guru? I loved that episode. So hilarious. Anyway, this chapter doesn't make up for not posting for who-knows-how-long, but I'm going to try to update twice tomorrow. I'm home all day, so it should work out. Anyway, enjoy!**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Big Time Rush.**

"_Hey, you got Carlos. Leave a message after the beep."_

Kendall sighed as he organized his thoughts. "Hey, Carlos, I know it's the tenth time I've called you in the last thirty minutes, but I need to talk to you. Call me back."

Unsure how to end it, he hung up. Katie looked at him curiously.

"What do you know that I don't?" she asked.

Kendall looked at her for a couple of seconds. Katie raised an eyebrow.

"I visited you in a dream, remember?" he finally said.

"We thought you didn't remember," Katie's eyes widened. "You didn't remember that you were on life support. Was that just an act?"

"No," Kendall shook his head. "My dream, with Peter and Carlos last night, it brought back everything. I saw a man who told me what could happen in the future, but somehow they got mixed together and all I know is that Carlos may or may not be suicidal."

He said this very quickly. He wasn't sure Katie caught all of it, but she definitely understood the end of his statement. She gasped and stood up suddenly, dumping a cup of water she'd been holding all over the floor. She ignored it for the time being; Carlos was much more important.

"Did you tell Logan or James?" Katie dropped the cup.

"I didn't want to worry them," Kendall admitted, shaking his head.

"I think they should know," Katie sat back down, then yelped as she sat in the water she'd spilled. She jumped up and stared at the bed.

Kendall picked up his cell phone. He dialed Logan's number slowly.

"We haven't found him yet, Kendall," Logan's voice said immediately. Kendall could hear the slight disappointment in his voice and knew that he'd hoped it was Carlos calling. "I really should -."

"Look, I have to tell you something," Kendall interrupted. "You know how I visited you guys in your dreams?"

"You _remember_?" the shock in Logan's voice was almost funny.

"Yes, I remember," Kendall said impatiently. "Well, there was this guy named Peter. And at one point, I saw a man who told me the future. But something went wrong and the two futures mixed together and man, I really hope -."

"Kendall!" Logan said sharply. "What are you trying to say?"

Kendall took a deep breath.

"That Carlos might be suicidal."

/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\

"That Carlos might be suicidal."

Logan's eyes widened and his breath caught in his throat. His heart skipped a beat.

James saw the look on his face.

"What's wrong?" he said urgently. "Logan?"

Mutely, Logan held out the phone to James. He took it and sighed.

"What did you tell Logan that made him freak out?"

Logan heard Kendall repeat the same hurried explanation to James. When he finished, James was just as speechless as Logan, except he looked furious.

James handed the phone back to Logan. He looked at it to see James had hung up on Kendall and looked at the time. It was now 1:23; there had been plenty of time for Carlos to…do whatever if Kendall was right.

"That _idiot_!" James finally managed, pacing in a quick, tight circle. People walking past kept throwing him rude looks when he got in their way, but he didn't seem to care.

"What?" for the life of him, Logan couldn't figure out what was making James so angry.

"Don't you see?" James was fuming. "That idiot thinks he had the right to just take his own life without considering what it will do to us."

"Kendall said might," Logan pointed out helplessly.

"Come on," James gestured. "I need to move or I might punch that guy staring at us."

Logan followed James for a few blocks before saying anything.

"You know," he said hesitantly. "To be fair, you have been kinda harsh on him lately."

James turned to yell at him. His temper was itching to be let loose, and he was scared for Carlos, and he needed someone to blame and yell at. But when he saw the vulnerable look on Logan's face, he was reminded of what was going on. He froze.

"You're right," he said in a defeated voice. "I've been a jerk."

Logan let out a shaky breath. He still looked timid, but now looked a bit more hopeful as well. James realized Logan had been afraid that he would lose it.

_If Carlos kills himself…I'll never get a chance to apologize._

That sounded selfish, and it brought up more panic and fear. But along with it came determination.

"We have to find Carlos."

**Author's Note: Ah, depression. Such a pointless thing, in my opinion. But if we didn't have it, how would we know joy? Anyway, done being Yoda for today (or would that Dumbledore?). Review if you'd like. Oh, I have a question for anyone who feels like answering it: What does 'flame' mean on here? I realized that I read it all the time, but I have no idea what it means...so, thanks to anyone who answers. If you don't, thanks for reading anyways. I love you all. ^-^**


	21. Chapter 21

**Author's Note: Wow, I love you guys. You're so nice. Okay, for the record, I don't know if this one counts as one of my updates, because this chapter was ghostwritten by Sarah Torrez. I'm counting it, I guess...Anyway, it's short, but I technically didn't give her much time...so, yeah. Enjoy!**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Big Time Rush.**

"Here," James handed Logan a cup of hot chocolate. They'd been looking for Carlos all day, and there'd been no sign of him anywhere. Logan was shaking violently. He was taking this harder than he'd taken Kendall getting in the accident. Maybe it was because Carlos was possibly taking his own life. James wasn't totally sure.

The door opened and James and Logan looked toward it hopefully. A second later they sighed in disappointment. It was just Mrs. Knight.

"No sign of Carlos?" she asked. James and Logan shook their heads.

"Where's Katie?" James asked.

"Staying the night with Kendall," Mrs. Knight answered.

James knew Kendall was probably going crazy. He was stuck in the hospital while Carlos was missing, unable to look for him.

"I just don't understand why he would be so depressed," Mrs. Knight commented.

James felt a surge of guilt pass through him. He knew he hadn't helped. He knew he'd made it worse. He knew he'd been a horrible friend.

"He's disappeared like this before," Mrs. Knight continued, obviously trying to sound cheerful. "He'll show up in a few hours, like he always does."

Somehow, James wasn't convinced.

/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\

Kendall stared at the ceiling, worried about Carlos. He felt helpless, stuck in bed while James and Logan looked for Carlos.

Katie lay on the cot the nurse had brought for her, fast asleep. She'd had a hard time getting to sleep and Kendall was glad that she'd finally fallen asleep.

He was sure that he wouldn't fall asleep. He was sure that the worry would eat at him and he would stay awake all night. But about an hour later, he fell asleep.

Katie woke up two hours later and got restless. She got up and wandered around the hospital for a while. She went out the front doors and walked around the hospital. She ended up by the ER entrance somehow. She was so focused on worrying about Carlos that she didn't notice where she was until an ambulance came up to the entrance and doctors swarmed it. She stared at it, transfixed. She couldn't look away.

The person wasn't moving from what she saw. She wondered vaguely what had happened.

Then the light fell across the person's face and she gasped.

"No way!"

**Author's Note: Oh! Isn't Sarah just terrible? Just kidding. We've been talking about where this story is going and I decided to give her a chance to write this chapter. I hope you like it! I'll hopefully update again today!**


	22. Chapter 22

**Author's Note: Second update of the day! Yipee! By the way, to those who answered the question, thank you. Oh, and guess what? My reviews broke one hundred! Yay! Thank you guys so much for reading and for continuing to read this story, even when you had to wait weeks for the next update. I really appreciate it. Enjoy this chapter!**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Big Time Rush.**

_Ring! Ring! Ring!_

James suddenly became aware of his phone ringing next to his face. He sat up and grabbed his phone.

"Hello?" he said groggily.

"James!" Katie's voice held a mixture of excitement and worry.

"What?" he looked at the clock and saw that it was after three in the morning. He yawned.

"It's Carlos! He's here! At the hospital!"

James froze mid-yawn. "He's there? With Kendall?"

"Well," Katie sounded hesitant. "Not exactly. I saw him being brought in from an ambulance. He's in the ER. He didn't look good."

James dropped his phone. The sound it made when it hit the floor woke up Logan and he stared at James. He gave Logan a horrified face. Logan gasped and reached for the phone, but it was closed.

"What happened?" Logan demanded.

"Katie saw Carlos being brought into the hospital," James said slowly. He didn't look at Logan, afraid what he would see.

"Okay, Katie, we'll be right there," Mrs. Knight came into the living room, shutting her cell phone. "Come on, boys."

/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\

"Wake up!"

Kendall opened his eyes to see Katie's face right above him, her brown eyes filled with worry.

"What?" he sat up quickly and immediately regretted him as a pain shot through his ribs.

"Careful," Katie told him. "Carlos is here. I saw him being brought into the ER. He wasn't moving, and he didn't look good. No one will tell me what happened and how he is."

Kendall listened to this quietly. When she stopped talking, he realized his breath was coming in short gasps. Katie looked at him, concerned..

Finally, Kendall managed to relax to the point where he could actually understand what Katie was saying.

"…Mom's on her way with Logan and James," she was saying. "Mom will get the information, I hope."

Her voice trailed off after a while. Kendall wasn't responding to what she was saying, anyway, so she just dropped in and instead learned forward to hug him. Kendall leaned into the hug, but didn't hug her back. Katie could feel how worried he was.

She hoped Carlos was going to be okay.

/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\

Logan literally slid into the hospital, nearly taking out a nurse as he did so.

"Logan, the floor's wet," James said flatly. Logan knew he wasn't trying to tease him, just pointing it out.

"Did you see that flash outside?" Logan whispered. "I think the paparazzi are here."

"Why would they be here?" James asked. Logan raised an eyebrow. James' face cleared and he sighed. "Big Time Rush, right."

Logan kept an eye on James as they followed Mrs. Knight to the front desk. It wasn't like James to forget about Big Time Rush. He loved being famous, it had been his dream in the first place. It showed how worried he was about Carlos.

"So, are you able to tell us anything about Carlos Garcia's current condition?" Mrs. Knight was saying when Logan tuned back in.

"From what I can tell, he cut once on one of his arms and once on his wrist," the nurse said apologetically. "He severed a major artery."

Logan's eyes widened. James looked at him, confused.

"What?" he asked. Logan shook his head, unable to form words.

They sat down, waiting for a while, praying that their friend would be okay.

/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\

A bright light was above him. The light was blinding. He wasn't sure what was going on. All he knew was that he felt safe and warm and didn't want to move. He was comfortable just staying where he was.

Suddenly, he realized someone was saying something to him.

"Hey, kid?"

Reluctantly, he opened his eyes to see a man above him, one eyebrow raised and frowning.

"Jeez," the man shook his head. "I get one kid, then his best friend. Guess he didn't listen very well."

Carlos stared up at the man. He had no idea what was going on. He didn't remember anything that had happened in the past day. The last thing he remembered doing was going to bed last night.

"What happened?" Carlos asked.

"We're pretty sure you tried to kill yourself," the man said casually. "You ran away from you r friends and at 2:00 in the afternoon, cut your wrist pretty deep. You hit a major artery. Whether on purpose or accident, we're not sure. But you started bleeding and lost a lot of blood. A woman discovered you in the alley next to her house, a knife in one hand. She called the medics and they brought you to the hospital."

"Am I dead?" Carlos blinked, confused.

"Almost. Decides on what you do next."

"I have a choice?" Carlos was surprised.

"Absolutely. Just like your friend Kendall had a choice," the man nodded. "My name's Peter. My job is to help you make the right decision for you. So, kid, tell me, why did you try to kill yourself?"

"I don't remember doing it," Carlos reminded him. "I don't really know."

"Been depressed?" Peter asked.

Carlos shrugged. Peter sighed and rolled his eyes. "Suicidal teenagers. Always the hardest to deal with."

Carlos raised an eyebrow.

"Tell me, kid, how have you been feeling the past few days?" Peter asked.

"Angry," Carlos thought. "Upset."

"Depressed?" Peter supplied.

"I guess," Carlos shrugged again and looked down at the floor. "I don't know."

Peter rubbed his forehead. "It's been like this since Kendall's accident, right?"

Carlos nodded, not looking up.

"But it didn't go away when Kendall woke up?" Peter sat down on a chair that Carlos hadn't seen before.

"Not really," Carlos glanced around to see a couch not far from him. He got off the floor and sat down on the couch. He brought his legs up to his chest and wrapped his arms around them, resting his chin on his knees.

"After Kendall woke up, didn't you and James have a fight?" Peter said slyly. Carlos nodded slightly. "And you thought Logan took his side. So maybe you think your friends don't care about you anymore?"

Carlos didn't answer. He wasn't sure what he thought anymore. He was so confused…

"Let me show you something," Peter pointed to the screen in front of them. Kendall and Katie appeared on it. Kendall was arguing with a nurse, telling her he had to go see Carlos. The Latino's eyes widened. Katie was trying to get Kendall into a wheelchair she'd found herself so they could go.

Peter snapped and another picture appeared on the screen. It was of James and Logan, both of which looked terrible and worried.

"Focus on James," Peter said quietly. Carlos did what he said and felt the guilt that James was feeling at the time. He felt how panicked he was, and how worried he was.

Next to James, Logan was shaking badly. His face was paler than usual and his brown eyes stared at the floor, wide, with a horrified look in them. Carlos could hardly bear to look at him.

On the opposite side of a table, Mrs. Knight was staring at her hands, looking helpless. Carlos felt a pang of guilt. He hadn't realized he'd been putting them in so much pain.

"This is my fault," he whispered, his eyes threatening to spill the tears. He squeezed his eyes shut to fight them back, but only succeeded in dislodging them.

"Good, you're one that cries," Peter sighed. "Not one that tries to kill me. Not that I can die again…"

Carlos ignored him. Now that the tears had started, they wouldn't stop. He was crying for all the pain he felt, and all the pain he put the others through, and what his parents must be thinking…he was crying for everything that had happened since Kendall's accident, the good and bad.

Finally, he stopped crying and found Peter was staring at the ceiling, yawning. He looked relaxed.

"So, I have a choice to make?" Carlos asked.

Peter looked at him and nodded.

"I think it's pretty obvious which one I choose," Carlos pointed out. Peter nodded and Carlos closed, waiting to be taken back to his body.

**Author's Note: Okay, out of curiousity, how many of you felt like this chapter was a filler chapter? If it was, I'm sorry. But, hey, at least I didn't make you wait to find out what choice Carlos made...Anyway, I'll try to update tomorrow. It's snowing pretty badly where I am, so I might not even have church tomorrow. We'll see...Arigato!**


	23. Chapter 23

**Author's Note: Okay, oh, my God, I am so sorry! Believe me, I did not mean to completely forget about this story! I feel horrible! Sarah emailed me earlier and said, 'So, are you ever going to update your BTR story on FanFiction? I would really like to read the next chapter.' And I completely freaked! So, I really am completely sorry! I hope this chapter's a good one!**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Big Time Rush.**

The first thing he was aware of was a beeping sound.

_Beep…beep…beep…_

It was the most irritating sound. It kept beeping. He wanted to reach out and shut it up.

"I think he's waking up!" an excited voice whispered. He couldn't tell who it was. It was quiet for a few minutes, except for that annoying beeping.

"Carlos, open your eyes, please," someone said. He realized that it was Logan. Then he realized that Logan was talking to him.

Open his eyes? That sounded like a good idea. Except when he tried, his eyelids felt like they weighed a hell of a lot more than they were supposed to. It didn't seem possible.

"Are you sure he's waking up?" a female voice said. _Katie_, he realized. "He doesn't seem to be waking up."

"Maybe you're right," James' voice said. Someone sighed.

He lay there, wondering what was going on. Why did his arm hurt so much? It was throbbing with his heartbeat. Then he realized that the annoying beeping was going with his heartbeat, too. And then he knew where he was and what was going on.

The dream. Had he been suicidal? Had he really gone from being fine, to depressed, to self-harming, and finally to suicide in such a sort amount of time?

Until he knew the answer, it was going to be hard to face his friends. He bet that they knew what happened. He bet that the doctor had told them it was possibly suicide. How would they deal with this? Would their friendship be weird? What if he got suicidal again?

He was distracted by these questions that he didn't even notice at first that he'd opened his eyes until Logan cried out, "Carlos!"

Carlos blinked and jumped. He instantly regretted it when his arm throbbed. He looked up to see that his friends were around his bed. Kendall wasn't there, and neither was his mom, but everyone else was.

He met Logan's eyes and immediately looked away. He was afraid what he would see if he looked at them. Instead, he focused on the ceiling.

There was an uncomfortable silence for a while until Logan finally opened his mouth and asked, "How are you feeling?"

Carlos didn't answer. He wasn't really paying attention. He was trying to figure out what actually happened. He couldn't figure it out.

"Carlos, are you okay?" Logan asked, worry in his voice now.

Carlos didn't know how to answer. If he had attempted suicide, then he wasn't okay, was he? He was so confused. Okay meant normal, right? Lying on hospital bed wasn't normal. He didn't know what to say.

"Carlos?" now Katie sounded scared.

Great. He was scaring Katie. He couldn't believe himself. First he scares all of his friends by disappearing, then attempted suicide, nearly dying, and now he was freaking Katie out.

Suddenly, he realized he hadn't said anything yet. He didn't feel like talking. Why should he talk? It wouldn't help his friends, would it?

Carlos lifted his head and looked around. His neck protested and he had to put his head back down. Logan, obviously understanding what he was trying to do, got up and pushed a button on his bed, raising the head of the bed enough so Carlos could see everyone without lifting his head. James looked relieved. Katie had a small smile on her face.

Carlos gave a small wave. He decided he wasn't going to talk. He didn't want to talk. He had no reason, he just didn't want to talk. Weird. Usually he didn't make decisions like that. Was there something wrong with his mind?

"Are you okay?" James asked. There was that question again. Carlos shrugged. He wondered if this is how Kendall felt when he first woke up. They'd surrounded him for that first week. Man, it was annoying, and he'd only been asked twice. How many more times would he be asked? He could only imagine.

"Good, you're awake," a doctor came in. He had a female doctor? Really? He bet Kendall was jealous.

"How are you feeling?" the doctor's name tag said 'Dr. Michaels.' Carlos wondered what her first name was. He shrugged.

Logan suddenly yawned, creating a chain effect with Katie and James. Carlos realized they probably hadn't slept much. He felt guilty for making them worry so much. He should have realized that he meant more to them than he thought.

The door opened and Carlos looked over to see Kendall roll into the room in a wheelchair.

"I hate this thing," he muttered. He looked up and saw everyone staring at him. "Oh. Hi."

Kendall's eyes met Carlos' and unlike Logan's, held them. Kendall understood what was going on with him. Carlos had a feeling Kendall knew way before he'd come into the room. Finally, Kendall looked away and Carlos turned his attention back to the doctor.

"Does your arm hurt?" Dr. Michaels asked. Carlos nodded. She seemed to notice that he didn't want to talk. "Your head?" he nodded. "Anything else?"

Carlos rubbed his neck. She understood. After asking a few more questions, Dr. Michaels left. Kendall whistled as she left.

"Dude, she's hot," he commented. Carlos smiled. Logan laughed a bit, and Katie rolled her eyes. James hiccupped. Carlos raised an eyebrow at him. He shrugged.

"Ugh," Kendall made a face at the wheelchair. "Why are they making me ride in this? It's not like I broke my leg or anything."

"Procedure," Logan answered. "Most patients getting out bed are supposed to ride in a wheelchair."

"Why?" Kendall asked, interested.

Logan shrugged. "Most have to so they don't hurt themselves worse. Like your ribs."

"Why can't I just go home?" Kendall moaned.

"Actually, I think Mom said something about you going home tomorrow," Katie told her brother. Kendall's face lit up comically.

"Freedom!" he pumped his fist. "Now I just need to get rid of this stupid cast and I'll be good."

James hiccupped again.

"Hold your breath for at least twenty seconds," Logan advised him.

"Thank you, professor," James said before taking a deep breath.

Carlos could see how they were trying to act normal for him. He appreciated it. He was just happy things weren't awkward.

The door flew open and everyone in the room jumped. Carlos stifled a moan as he looked to see who it was.

It was Kelly and Gustavo. Carlos raised an eyebrow. As far as he knew, they hadn't visited Kendall at all in the hospital. What were they doing here?

Gustavo froze as he looked around the room. He looked confused and uncomfortable as he glanced at Carlos.

"Oh, sure, you visit Carlos, but not me," Kendall tried to break the silence. Carlos closed his eyes and let out a silent sigh. There went nothing being awkward.

"See, I told you they were fine!" Kelly's voice rang out. Carlos opened his eyes again and saw Gustavo rubbing his forehead, looking relieved.

"The paparazzi got a picture of James and Logan running into the hospital," Kelly explained. "Gustavo here thought someone had died."

"Came pretty close," James muttered. Kendall threw him a look.

"What happened, Carlos?" Kelly asked, who apparently hadn't noticed James and Kendall.

Carlos shrugged. It was the truth. He couldn't remember what had happened.

"Kendall," Logan suddenly said. "How did you steer the wheelchair with only one arm?"

Everyone looked at Kendall.

"Oh, a nurse pushed me most of the way, and I got up and pushed it the rest of the way," Kendall said nonchalantly.

"You're not supposed to do that," Katie informed him.

"Yeah, I know, but it was driving me crazy," he shrugged.

James let out a laugh. Everyone looked at him, and his face turned slightly red. He looked down, muttering something about wheelchairs.

The door flew open again, and Carlos' parents came into the room. Carlos stared at them for a few minutes.

"Mr. and Mrs. Garcia!" Kendall exclaimed. "Good to see you!"

Katie kicked him. Kendall realized what he had said. "Well, not under these circumstances," he stuttered. Mr. Garcia shook his head.

"It's fine, Kendall," he looked hugely relieved. He was actually smiling.

The door opened yet again and Mrs. Knight came in.

"Whoa, there's a lot of people in here," she commented.

"Hi, Mom," Kendall said.

"Hi," Mrs. Knight smiled and somehow made it across the room to the only chair left.

Carlos was surrounded by his parents, hugged and kissed. He was caught off guard and winced when his arm was jostled.

"Sorry, honey," his mom said.

The door opened and nearly hit Gustavo. Dr. Michaels walked in.

"I leave for a few minutes and it turns into a party," she shook her head smiling. "I need to talk to Carlos. Alone."

**Author's Note: Dun, dun, dunnnnnnnnnnn. Sorry. I had a question to ask you guys, but I can't remember what it was...Anyway, I'm thinking about ending this story soon, and starting a sequel, but I haven't made up my mind yet. You know, Carlos' recovery process and all that good stuff. However, I seem to remember promising my next story to be about Kendall, so I might just continue this one and possibly start a second one. We'll see what my updating status is in a few weeks before we make that decision...Thank you for reading!**


	24. Chapter 24

**Author's Note: I am a horrible, horrible person. I keep leaving you guys with nothing! For weeks! I feel really horrible. But school is slowing down and it's almost summer, and I have a totally boring summer, only drumline rehearsals to worry about, so I'll be able to post more! I hope...Anyway, here's chapter 24, in case anyone's lost track...my God, I am stupid today...**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Big Time Rush. This is depressing.**

"Carlos," Dr. Michaels sat down in a chair. Everyone else had left the room. "We need to know if you were suicidal or not. Do you remember?"

Carlos shook his head.

"Were you depressed?"

He nodded.

"Self-harming?"

There was a pause, then Carlos nodded slowly.

"There's only evidence of one cut, as far as we could tell," Dr. Michaels told him. "Did you cut anywhere before last week?"

Carlos shook his head. He realized that Kendall was right; Dr. Michaels _was_ hot. He mentally slapped himself. He didn't need to think about that right now.

"Would you like to talk to a counselor?" Dr. Michaels looked at him. "It would help you through this depression. We could prescribe some anti-depressants."

Carlos knew that that was the help he should be getting, that he should say yes. But something inside of him decided he didn't want help and he shook his head.

If he'd looked up, he would have seen that Dr. Michaels' face was troubled. Finally, she nodded and stood up.

"Well, that's all I can do for now," she said. "You need rest. Visiting hours are nearly over anyway. You should get some sleep."

How was he supposed to tell her that he couldn't sleep? He hurt everywhere, and his mind was spinning. He wasn't going to sleep. But he nodded and watched her as she left, wondering what the doctors were going to do with him.

/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/

Kendall watched as Dr. Michaels came out of the hospital room. She looked around.

"I'm sorry, but visiting hours are almost over and Carlos needs to rest," she smiled apologetically to them. Kendall felt a bit of anger flare up inside of him, but he controlled it. Katie pushed him back to his room. His mom was waiting there, sitting on a chair. She smiled when Katie pushed him into the room.

"Hey, sweetie," she said. "How's Carlos?"

"Awake," Kendall said. "He wouldn't talk for some reason. But his doctor says he'll be okay. He looked sick, though."

Katie nodded as Kendall got back into the hospital bed. He sighed, hating the bed with all his heart. He just wanted out of the hospital.

As if she could read his mind, Mrs. Knight smiled. "The doctor says you can leave tomorrow."

Kendall immediately cheered up. He whooped and hit his hand on his thigh, since he couldn't actually clap. Katie high-fived him.

"Of course, with Carlos in the hospital now, we'll still be seeing a lot of this place," Katie sighed. Kendall had to agree. He was sick of hospitals. He just wanted all of his friends to be healthy and happy. Carlos wasn't either.

Katie and Mrs. Knight went home after a while, since visiting hours had ended. Kendall laid awake for a while. It felt weird, knowing that he wasn't the only Big Time Rush member in the hospital. Somewhere in the hospital, Carlos was laying on a bed, probably awake, too. Not for the first time, he wondered if Carlos had attempted suicide or not. From the warning he'd gotten from Peter, Kendall thought he had. It made him mad to think that Carlos thought he had the right to take his own life, but it also made him mad at himself.

Carlos hadn't come to the hospital that often, but Kendall thought he should have known Carlos was depressed. It wasn't fair to Carlos that he hadn't tried harder to reach out. He was also a little mad at Logan and James. He'd heard about the fight that Carlos and James had had. James should have known something was wrong with his friend. He should have known that Carlos was hurting.

Kendall shook his head. That wasn't fair to James. Thinking that way would just get them into more trouble. They needed to be stronger now than before. They needed to help Carlos through this tough time. They needed to be there for him.

Kendall felt himself grow sleepy and finally gave into the darkness. He didn't expect the dream he had.

/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\

_Kendall opened his eyes. He seemed to be lying on the ground in the middle of the street. He stood up, completely confused. Where was he? He didn't recognize the area he was in._

_Suddenly, he spotted a familiar face. It was Carlos, his hood up and his hands in his pockets. He looked pale, like he was hiding something that he didn't want to be seen with._

"_Carlos!" Kendall yelled and jogged over to his friend. "Oh, man, it is so good to see you. Are you okay?"_

_Carlos didn't respond. He didn't even acknowledge Kendall. He turned down an alley, acting as if Kendall wasn't there._

_Kendall groaned. It was like being a 'ghost' again. No one could hear him or see him, but he knew what was going on. He wondered what was going on and followed Carlos._

_Carlos stopped halfway between the end of the alley and the street. He looked around carefully, as if to make sure no one was following him, then pulled his hands out of his pockets._

_Kendall gasped in horror. In Carlos' hand was a sharp knife. Carlos studied it for a few minutes, his face full of wonder. It reminded Kendall of the happier times, like when Carlos was opening a birthday present or Christmas present. Carlos would always stop before he opened the present and look at the wrapping before tearing it open._

_It seemed like Carlos was doing the same thing now. He pulled up his sleeve and put the knife to his arm. Before Kendall had registered what Carlos was doing, he had pushed the knife into his wrist._

_Blood poured from it. Carlos watched it for a few minutes. Kendall screamed. He couldn't believe what he was seeing. He felt sick._

_His panic hit him harder when he saw Carlos' eyes roll back in his head and he collapsed. The blood continued to flow out of his wrist. Kendall couldn't take his eyes off of him, horrified._

_Finally, after what felt like hours but was only a few minutes, a woman stepped out into the alleyway. She spotted Carlos immediately and screamed. She opened the door behind her again._

"_Jeff, call an ambulance! Quickly!"_

"_Why?" a man came to the door. "What happened?"_

_He froze when he saw Carlos. He stared for a few seconds, then pulled out a cell phone._

_The entire time, Carlos lay on the ground, red blood flowing onto the ground. Kendall couldn't move. He was glued to the spot, unable to look away, unable to move. Carlos looked so peaceful, and Kendall knew what had just happened._

/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\

Kendall started awake. He was gasping, and covered in sweat. Immediately, he jumped up and ran into the bathroom. He threw up into the toilet for several minutes, unable to get the image of Carlos on the ground out of his head.

He knew what this meant. Carlos had meant to die. He had tried to kill himself. Kendall had no doubt that the dream had been real. Peter had probably meant to show him the moment, to help Carlos in anyway he could. But Kendall couldn't move past the fact that Carlos had tried to kill himself.

His best friend didn't want to live anymore. And he couldn't help feeling like it was his fault.

**Author's Note: I love how this story just keeps rolling along by itself. I literally have no idea what I want to do with the next chapter. Literally. Said Sirius seriously. Haha, lame joke. Anyway, about the stories. I was thinking that I would wrap up this one and start two new stories: One sequel to this one, being Carlos-centric. And another story, being Kendall-centric. And a few oneshots, but that's not important. Tell me what you guys think, please. I love you guys and accept your opinions. No death threats, though. I have to actually finish the story.**


	25. Chapter 25

**Author's Note: Yeah, so I didn't give you any time on the last chapter. I thought I wasn't finished with this chapter, but I had no idea what to write, and it seemed like it stopped in a good place. So, two updates in one day! Hey! Be happy! Yay!**

**Disclaimer: No, I seriously (Siriusly, ha ha; I'm such a dork) don't own Big Time Rush.**

Late that night, Carlos' door creaked open. He hadn't gotten any sleep and was expecting to see Dr. Michaels, asking him how he was. So when he heard the person clear his throat, he was surprised.

"Carlos?" he heard a whisper. "You awake?"

Carlos rolled his eyes. What was Kendall doing in his room this late at night? He should be asleep. Kendall was going to leave the next day, he had to rest so he'd be up to it.

But when he saw Kendall's worried and slightly green face, he knew Kendall needed to talk to him. Carlos nodded, still not talking. Kendall moved into the room further, closing the door quietly. Carlos watched Kendall as he walked over to the bed, sitting down at the end. It felt weird to be the one in the bed while Kendall came in to see him. He wondered what was going on.

"Uh, hi," Kendall said awkwardly. Carlos raised an eyebrow. "Uh, I'm glad you're okay."

Carlos just stared at Kendall. What was wrong with him? He was acting like something was really, really wrong. He didn't get it.

"I'm being stupid," Kendall finally shook his head. "Listen, Carlos. I had a dream. It was Peter - did you meet Peter? I don't know if you did."

Carlos nodded. Kendall nodded back. "Well, he said that you were depressed and suicidal, and then Logan and James couldn't find you and I got really worried. Then Katie woke me up in the middle of the night and told me that you were in the hospital, and the doctor said you might have attempted suicide and -," Kendall's voice broke. He paused.

Carlos was confused. Was Kendall just here to make him feel guilty? It wasn't going to work. He wasn't going to let Kendall make him feel guilty.

Kendall took a steadying breath and continued. "I just had a dream, just a little bit ago. In it, you were in some part of LA I didn't recognize. You had a knife. You…you stabbed your arm with it."

His voice wavered and suddenly Carlos could see very clearly what Kendall was talking about. The memories were coming back.

"You pushed the knife into your wrist and there was so much blood, Carlos," Kendall sounded like he was going to start crying. "There was so much blood! And then you collapsed, and I could tell, you meant to do it, you meant to die. I just want to know why, Carlos. Why?" his voice broke into a sob. "Why did you want to die?"

Carlos didn't meet Kendall's eyes. He knew what Kendall said was true. He could remember now. He remember how dark his thinking had been. He remembered considering the different ways to do it that night, and stealing a knife from the kitchen. He remembered leaving the apartment. He hadn't had any intention to go back. He'd walked around until he was good and lost, then went into an alley. He'd pulled out the knife. It had been beautiful to him then, his only way to escape. His only way to get rid of the pain and suffering. He'd stopped for a few moments, to admire its beauty. Then, he'd put it to his wrist, said a quick good-bye to anyone who decided to care after he was gone, and pushed the knife down into his wrist.

The blood had come out immediately. Carlos had never been a big fan of blood, but the sight of it had stopped him in his tracks, kept him captivated as more and more of it had poured out of him.

Then the darkness had taken over. Carlos hadn't given it a second thought when he'd given in to the darkness. He'd welcomed it, even. He hadn't wanted to wake up in a hospital, and he never wanted to have this conversation with Kendall. He was convinced now that Peter had let him choose wrong. He didn't want to be alive. He didn't want to deal with this. He just wanted it to go away.

Kendall had control of himself now. He grabbed Carlos' good hand with his own good hand. Carlos stared at their hands. Kendall's felt warm, reminding him of his mother's when he'd held hers when he was younger.

"Carlos?" Kendall said softly. "Just know that I'm here, okay? I'm here, and I care about you. And I don't want you to die."

They were the right words, but Carlos didn't take them in. He wasn't paying attention anymore. He was beyond words now. He refused to believe what Kendall was saying. It wasn't true.

He faked a yawn. Kendall stood up immediately. "Sorry. I didn't mean to keep you up late. I just wanted to talk to you. I'll leave."

Carlos waved as Kendall left. He relaxed as the door shut quietly and stared at the ceiling. He needed to think.

**Author's Note: Ohhh, Carlos, you idiot. Anyway, what did you think? I don't know how I wrote this chapter. It was weird. I remember writing it, and I remember it was easy, but...I don't know. I'm not suicidal in real life, so I just don't know. Anyway, the stories! Right! I'm gonna remind you guys, although you probably just finished chapter 24. I'm thinking about writing two stories: A sequel to this one that will be Carlos-centric, and an entirely new one that will be Kendall-centric. Problem with that is I don't know what to write for the Kendall-centric one! Got any ideas? If you're still reading, I love you. And here's a heard: 3**


	26. Chapter 26

**Author's Note: What's up, my peeps? Yeah, I'm gansta. Not. Anyway, thank you for reviewing! I love you! Thank for reading if you did! If you didn't, I can't say anything, because you won't see this AN! And now for shameless self-promoting: I wrote a one-shot called It's All His Fault. It's a Tragedy and you should really go read it! Yay!**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Big Time Rush.**

Kendall didn't sleep for the rest of the night. He lay awake, staring at the ceiling. His dream _had_ been try. Carlos hadn't said anything, but Kendall could see it in his eyes. He didn't know what to do. Sure, they'd been times where one of them was depressed, but never suicidal. Suicide was something they heard about on TV and thought, _I wouldn't give in to that. I'm better than that._

Kendall shivered. He'd seen something else in Carlos' eyes. Something darker. Kind of like anger. Maybe regret? He hadn't been sure. And Carlos hadn't opened his mouth at all. He hadn't even tried to comfort Kendall when he'd started crying. It was as if Kendall hadn't been upset, as if he hadn't been sobbing on Carlos' bed.

Kendall was scared. He was scared and he didn't want to give into it, but was finding it harder and harder. If Carlos was capable of attempting to kill himself and still felt the same way, who was to say that he wouldn't try again and succeed? If that woman hadn't found Carlos…

The door opened and Kendall turned to the door to see Katie and his mom walking in. He looked at the clock. It was later than he'd thought it been.

"Hi, Kendall!" Katie said brightly.

"Ready to go home?" Mrs. Knight asked him. Kendall nodded and smiled. He was pretending for his mom and Katie's sake. They didn't need to know the details.

"What's wrong, honey?" Mrs. Knight saw through it. "You look like you didn't sleep well."

"Just had a bad dream," Kendall shrugged like it was no big deal.

"Logan and James are here, too," Katie hopped onto Kendall's bed. "They just went to go see Carlos. They said they'll meet us down there."

Kendall nodded. He wondered if Carlos would even acknowledge him after what had happened during the night. He wasn't sure he even wanted to see Carlos, in case he lost it again.

It took an hour for the doctor to release Kendall, but soon, he was walking down the hallway with his mom and Katie to Carlos' room. Kendall knew that he would only be coming back here to visit Carlos if he could help it. He didn't want to get stuck in the hospital again.

They reached Carlos' room and went inside. Carlos looked up, but refused to meet Kendall's eyes. Logan and James smiled at them, glad to see Kendall on his feet and not in a wheelchair.

"Hi," Kendall waved.

"Hi!" Logan said, smiling. James grinned. Carlos just nodded, looking down at the bed. Kendall sat down next to James, willing Carlos to look at him. He wished Carlos would just admit what was going on. Then they would make sure he got the help he needed, and Carlos wouldn't feel bad anymore. Kendall wished he could tell Carlos this telepathically. He didn't want to say it in front of Katie and Mrs. Knight.

Logan and James looked at him curiously. He shrugged in response to their questioning looks. He had no intention to tell them about the dream. He didn't want to tell them that Carlos had attempted suicide, but he figured this was a very important piece of information that they deserved to know. He needed to tell them. He would need their help with Carlos.

Carlos seemed oblivious to Kendall, but he did interact with James, Logan, and Katie (Mrs. Knight didn't stay in the room long, so there wasn't any way for him to interact with her). Though Carlos still didn't say anything to them, he nodded and gestured to them, allowing them to understand him. Kendall stayed quiet, but watched Carlos carefully for any sign of wanting to talk to him. There wasn't any. Kendall wondered briefly if Carlos was angry with him, but then he shook it off. Carlos didn't seem to be angry.

If only he knew how wrong he was.

**Author's Note: Okay, so I wrote most of this last night and some if it this morning, so if it seems a little...jumpy, I'm really sorry. And this was a filler chapter, so yeah...don't kill me.**

**And now, I need for you to go to my profile page. By the time this is posted, I should have a poll up about what the heck I should do with my stories. I'm really confused. Oh, but if I do finish this and do a sequel and a Kendall story, I actually thought of an idea! So, that should put some confidence in everyone's head...although that depends on what you think of the idea. Here, I'll put a little summary.**

**Kendall's biological father left before Kendall was born. He's always wondered what his real father was like. He never expected it to be like this.**

**It'll be Hurt/Comfort and there will be plenty of angst and pain-infliction. Ha ha...anyway, I know this had been done to death, but I have an idea to take it into a different direction. So if you like it, please vote on my poll. Or, you could tell me what you think in your review. If you're still reading this, I would really like to give you a cookie. Sorry...**


	27. Chapter 27

**Author's Note: Holy crap! I am so sorry! It's been five months since my last update! For the record, though, I lost all of my data when my idiot older brother dropped my laptop and broke it. My parents made me save up for it and I finally got enough money last week and ordered this as fast as I could. So then I had to remember what the heck I was writing. I'm pretty sure this is not how it originally ended, but oh well. It's still pretty good.**

**Okay, this is the last chapter. I know, some of you are like, "What? You made us wait for the last stinkin' chapter?" but don't worry. I'm starting another story, and I'll try to update as fast as possible.**

**Disclaimer: Unfortunately, I still don't own Big Time Rush. *Le sigh***

Carlos opened his eyes, sighing. He didn't want to be awake yet. He wanted to go back to sleep and just forget about everything that happened. He didn't want to live in reality anymore. Reality hurt.

He glanced at the clock to see it was three o'clock in the morning. He'd slept an hour more than he had in the past week. That was an improvement.

Across the room, he could see Logan sleeping soundly. He sighed again and sat up straight, then got up to go to the bathroom.

When he started to walk back to his bedroom, he could hear low voices in the living room. His parents had been staying with them since they'd arrived, and they'd flown Carlos' younger siblings out. He knew it was his dad speaking and paused to listen to the conversation.

"...I don't know what's wrong with him," Officer Garcia sounded upset. "He hasn't spoken in weeks. It's like we're not even here."

"He's probably just upset that he doesn't remember what happened to him," Mrs. Knight tried to reassure him.

"Carlos is always so talkative and energetic," Mrs. Garcia also sounded upset. Carlos felt a pang of guilt in his heart. He hadn't meant to make everyone so upset. It was like he couldn't control it.

Although no one was aware of it, Carlos was still cutting. He wore short sleeves shirts, so they thought he was safe, but they didn't know that Carlos cut his hips, thighs, and his upper arms. He cut places they couldn't see, so they wouldn't think anything was wrong. As for not talking, Carlos just didn't see the point in talking. Or singing for that matter. Sure, his friends loved to sing, and once upon a time, he had, too, but he no longer cared for it. He just didn't care anymore. He still thought about suicide, as well. He wasn't sure what was wrong with him anymore, and he knew he needed help, but he had a hard time asking for it.

_You're weak_, a voice in his head said. _You're weak, and your friends don't care about you. Why wouldn't they have seen how broken you are if they cared? What would they care about a little failure like you? You failed at killing yourself, and you fail at everything else._

Carlos shook his head, covering his ears with his hands. He wanted this voice to go away. It'd been visiting him since he'd gotten out of the hospital, haunting him. It made him realize his deepest fears, and he couldn't ignore it. He just wanted things to go back to normal. He didn't want to hurt himself. He didn't want to die.

Did he?

**Author's Note: Yeah, kind of a lame ending. I'm going to write a sequel to this one and start another story, too. The sequel will be Carlos-centric, the other story will be Kendall-centric. I'll probably put up the sequel first, since I have more ideas for that one. I'm thinking about changing the idea for Kendall's story, since I had a brilliant idea the other day when I FINALLY got this laptop.**

**Thanks for sticking with this story to the end. My new stories will be up soon! Don't forget to look for one-shots, too!**

**Thanks again,**

**-Tori**


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